Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Study on presenting feminine STEM role models

Tell that to all the teen boys in this country who get beat up for exhibiting sweetness. It happens.

DeeDee

"Gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, caring, sweetness, compassion, tolerance, nurturance, deference, and succorance"

If you act this way in my profession you will a step stool on someone else's climb to the top. Should it be this way? No. Is it? Yes.

Just as, if you dance around in a short skirt and flirt with all the men in sight in my workplace (my mental image of one of the STEM recruiting video scenes described by the article) you will go nowhere professionally. Well, I take that back. You'll get somehwere but probably nowhere that you WANT to be.

Surely we can be "feminine" outside of these paradigms? The typical Madonna/whore thing?

In a recent novel about being a woman investment banker in a very male dominated field, the working woman main character is completely ignored by a good old boy client in a meeting. She muses that because she is not his mother, sister, wife or a potential hook up he has no idea how to fit her into his world. This thread made me think of that.

I just went with the "turn the other cheek" approach to life, figuring that was morally obligatory.

I got smashed a number of times without fighting back.

This seemed to confuse people more than anything else.

Perhaps it's because I work in a male-dominated STEM field (IT Engineering), but I don't think anyone would ever describe me using the characteristics listed for females. I prefer being honest, intelligent, straight-forward, and sarcastic.

Sweet? Gentle? These are not traits that are going to get you far in IT.

I would like to see a comedian who could do the type of material for women that Chris Rock has done for African-Americans. Somebody needs to be out there on the edge to make it okay for chicks who just want to do STEM work without having to defend their gender conformity or lack thereof, and to encourage discussion. I'll be pushing my DD in this direction, but it might be a better fit for someone with better social skills

I think we all have to, or at least are wise to, adjust our character depending on the role we're in at any given time to achieve the best result. Of course we can have the mindset that we are who we are and everyone else can adjust but that seldom works out for optimal outcome.

It's not so much that we are who we are, but rather that there is a character ideal that we are supposed to be in all situations.

So, ideally, you should never adjust your character even if that results in a poor result.

That is true of virtually anyone though, not just women involved in STEM.

Everyone has the option to not adjust their character and live with the result even if it's poor. We all make our own decisions if we wish to play the game. That will never cease. It may get better / worse depending on the circumstances / field but it will never cease, just shift to another area.

Or you can try to destroy the game. That's another option.

When I was little, I wore pink.

Gasp.

And I played with Barbies.

A lot.

I sewed clothes for my Barbie dolls, and I orchestrated a boatload of weddings and parties and lots of drama.

I also, from time to time, had a funeral for one of them after my brother and I would experiment with his stash of m-80's (back when they were legal) and some of my older Barbies.

I chased lizards and had a pet horned toad. I climbed trees and played kick ball.

It never occurred to me that I either had to be feminine or something else.

I still refuse to accept that tenet. The whole comment about "throwing up a bit in my mouth" at the description of femininity grated a bit, as I embrace most of those character traits and am happy that I do. I also run a tech company and deal with engineers in a mostly male industry. And I've yet to let anyone else's attitude about whether I'm too nice, sweet, frilly or any other adjective change who I am or what I am doing.

I am a strong supporter of women-based STEM advocacy groups, but only if the focus is on creating opportunities. This whole angry, fight-the-man attitude is tiresome to me and has no real benefit.

My daughter played with Barbies. She also is about a non-conventional as they come. She skateboards in lacy skirts, scales a rocky cliff in frilly tops and embraces the high tech world of graphic art as easily and readily as she hikes out into the middle of nowhere to create graffiti in an abandoned arroyo. The fact that she is so different than me makes me proud, because it lets me believe that I fostered an environment that let her decide who she was enough to be comfortable being whatever that was.

So bring on the feminine and frilly and sweet and gentle. It doesn't have to be all we are, but it should be something we're able to be without settling for less that what we want to be.