Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Other drawbacks to being gifted in regular classes

I wish my DD was better about speaking up for herself. It seems that while she's in the classroom, her concerns about getting her name on the board trump her concerns for getting an appropriate education.

Should I start teaching her to misbehave??

Sure. I see how it's useful, in the broader scheme of things. But to expect an immature 5-year-old to be able to do this AND to see it as adequate "enrichment"? Pfffft. In any case, my kid comes to school to learn, not to serve as an unpaid assistant. (If everyone is being asked to teach each other, that's different.)

LOL

My DD9 is like yours. She whines to me at home about how she wants harder math but she won't say boo to the teacher. sigh. I think the chameleons need a class in self-advocacy.

Seriously, our DD9 is a saintly people-pleasing chameleon. When I hear about these gifted kids who won't tolerate boredom and who correct the teacher, I'm jealous. At least the parents get a fast track to know what's wrong.

For her entire 2nd grade year, DD never said a word about the fact that her "advanced" reading group was reading books she had already read. The only reason she "complained" that summer was I kept bugging her to tell me what what going on in school.

I'm coming at this from the perspective of a parent whose children excel in math and reading, but have large difficulties with social skills, repetitive behaviors, sensory avoidance, and motor coordination. I see the kids in school who are gifted at things like sports or art, or who have great success with building relationships or exhibiting compassionate behavior, and realize they are often used informally (or formally) to help other children in ways other than academic. I'm certainly glad the extremely athletically gifted 3rd grade boy is good natured about playing on teams with my boys and showing them how to do things, the queen bee 2nd grade girl was happy to hold my boy's hand and help him navigate social experiences, and that there are whole groups of non-GT (or even delayed) kids who look out for other kids in ways other than intellectually within a school environment.

EDIT: Word choice.

I did some teacher assigned tutoring in my day, and really didn't mind it. I wouldn't necessarily see my kids enjoying it or getting any benefit from it, but for me it was kind of cool to get to know the kid who was probably held back and therefore basically a GIANT dude in 8th grade. As I recall he was just a very quiet sweet guy, maybe dyslexic, for all I knew at the time.
It certainly helped me understand that some folks are not doing badly because they are not trying. And it wasn't something I was forced to do, or asked to do a LOT of; that might have gone badly.

WOW! GREAT school atmosphere, whoever is responsible for promoting that, excellent job. That makes me just about tear up...(probably just the early saturday afternoon beer.)

But to answer the original question, what else is bad but not obvious about having one's gt child in a largely nd classroom....her constant need to define things in great detail, including and especially rules about playing, etc., can make it difficult for her to connect with some of her fellow students. (that social one is sort of obvious, but still, my daughter is a serious social butterfly and still has issues overwhelming people).

I did as well, even once I was in gifted classrooms. I think it was very good for me. It helped me develop empathy and social responsibility, as well as keeping me occupied when I was done with my work.


It is a good school atmosphere, but I also think it happens everywhere to some extent. Math/history/science/reading are not the only areas where students are asked to help each other.

YES!! Oh, that's my boy, and this sweet, wonderful girl in his grade 2 class, who was always patient and kind with him. He ADORED her. I'm getting weepy as I type this... she's not in his grade 3 class and he was so sad when he found out.

SO, to all the "socially optimal gifteds" who helped the others, THANK YOU

2 years ago, I found out that when DS was in pre-K, he finished his work faster than anyone, and was always assigned to help out the kids who fell behind. He was a little teacher's assistant. At the time, I thought it was good for him in theory; to develop leadership skills, compassion, helpfulness, confidence. Halfway through Kindergarten I was informed that he started to get bored and frustrated with the kids he was helping out and the teachers noticed that he became very bossy and angry when the others did not "get it." So I presume that was the end of that role. Today in first grade, at drop off in the morning playground, I still see the beneficial effects of the pre-K days when he was a mini-teacher's assistant. The kids naturally come to him if there is a confusion of some sort. They seem follow his lead yet he is the second youngest in the class and to a certain extent, one of the "least mature" kids. But once in little while I see him bark orders and roll his eyes in frustration. Then I sometimes doubt whether being mini teacher's assistant then had its drawbacks to him and to his classmates.