Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Remind me that this is why we skipped...

I understand the reasoning of you and others -- challenge is important -- but if your child is "privileged" -- white or Asian with parents having advanced degrees -- the most selective schools expect nearly straight A's as a baseline and want to see an exceptional extracurricular achievement on top. Look at the stats for Brown http://www.brown.edu/admission/undergraduate/about/admission-facts .

So I want my son to do his "failing" on things like the AIME (test taken by students who excel on the AMC), NOT in regular courses whose grades will determine class rank.

OK, so (a few comments back) some were sharing mommy stories. I'll indulge: my mom is proud - PROUD - that she never once advocated for me (or my siblings) at school. Her opinion: one has to learn to sink or swim at some point. She thinks my concern for ds' school experience is beyond irrational. While I do appreciate some of this hard knocks approach (I was actually VERY well equipped for college as I had been treading water on my own for years and was hell-bent on out-achieving any stunted expectations I was given), I tend to think that a parent's job IS to advocate for their child (within reason).

But that's just me.

True. But hoping she gets this figured out before high school. And, not sure if the most selective schools are the goal or a financial possibility(although it would be great for an option). Considering what is in the college fund now, my latest plan is to have her put that dual-citizenship to work and go to college in Germany. She is starting Saturday language school this week. Alternatives include me becoming a Tiger mom and chaining her to the violin, or the honors program at a state school.

When you say Brown, I think "safety school for people who weren't bright enough to get into Harvard."

I'm coming from the perspective of a parent with a kid in elementary school. It would be nice if kids didn't have to game the system to get a spot in college, but I'm sure my perspective will change a bit once grades "count".

... and I'm coming from the perspective of not only parenting a high school junior right now, but also from a point of believing that there is much, MUCH more at stake than having a child who gets into an Elite College.

Not getting a perfect 4.8 GPA in high school? (Yes, this is weighted, but it's also fairly realistic for most of our kids, who will be taking honors and AP coursework throughout that high school career)

versus...


Not knowing how to be happy with anything less than an instant, low-effort 100%?

Not knowing how to STAY in those elite situations (college, internships, etc.) once the material becomes more challenging and requires study skills/task persistence that the student has never needed to develop?


Ooooooo. Not good. I'll take whatever turns out to be behind door number one, since I can see how that one can be really good. I don't really see how numbers two or three can be healthy or lead to a happy adulthood.

Yep. Me too. My other thoughts on the matter, since I do have but an 8 year old, is that college degrees ain't what they used to be, and they continue to change. The very large company I work for is hiring software developers without degrees, for example... So who knows what I'll be thinking in a few years. But it is WONDERFUL to teach perseverance as early as possible.

This doesn't really happen until you transition from the test-taking environment of school where raw intelligence is the primary factor to the world of work where ideally you should be able to, you know, produce actual work product.

It also doesn't happen during internships, although the summer clerk program at law firms may be truly alien in this regard.

The more elite schools don't really want you to drop out. I know, because I make a half-hearted attempt to quit law school at Duke by simply declining to complete the mandatory mood court competition due to simply no longer caring about anything at all. They declined my request to quit.

They go out of the way to make you feel warm and loved. They really do.

Law firms, and employers generally, on the other hand, don't really care, so they will eventually fire you if you don't get the message. As happened to two of my friends that the smallish firm (100 attorneys) where I worked. One after 2 years and one after 11 years.

Well said. In the long run, the ability to work and learn well are what count. They'll open enough doors (even if not every one) whereas their absence can make it impossible to go through even an open door.