Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Systematic Desensitization over summer break?

Pemberley, are you going to record the meeting tomorrow? You can ask your advocate what your specific state law (possibly district policy?) is, and you may find out you need to ask permission first, but at this point, if you haven't already, I'd start recording the meetings.

I'd also be sure you have your advocate present tomorrow - if your advocate can't come, I'd postpone the meeting until a time you can all be present.

I also believe that it's time to bring up the points g2mom is making if the school sticks to their refusal to budge on the color chart - if they can't accommodate your dd at this school the district needs to see to it that she has her FAPE, and she can have FAPE at the private school with services and tuition provided by the district. They are, of course, not going to want to do that - but they need to know that's on your radar and you have the beginnings of a strong argument in favor of it.

Good luck tomorrow - let us know how the meeting goes!

polarbear

Yes, consultant will be there tomorrow. I do nothing these days without him. In fact I told him if we go to court I will pay both him and the attorney to be there. We have always had as our worst case scenario that we pay for the private and sue for reimbursement. I can't believe that is the best way to go, though. They have indeed screwed up royally and I have no doubt we would win at due process - and they understand that too. I would rather get them to agree to "fill in the blank solution" rather than fight all summer. During the meeting I did say "Oh so 'town' is planning to pay for 'name of private' instead" when principal announced that she would not provide an appropriate classroom. I also casually (ok, maybe not so casually...) mentioned the civil rights, dept of education, etc when I contacted the special ed teacher before she got the new DSS to propose this plan. I don't think there is any doubt in their minds that we are both aware of DD's legal rights and that we are more than ready to fight tooth and nail to get her what she is entitled to. At this point it is more a matter of the best way to do it.

Both the consultant and I tried to reach the superintendent on Friday without success. He has a message in to the asst superintendent. A lot is up in the air right now as the district is doing a major reorganization of personnel this summer. I told the consultant that I want to act now with the attorney because they are in a shambles - the only person up to speed on the facts is leaving, the principal is out of control and they are scrambling to do damage control. We will discuss the attorney after we see exactly what new DSS's plan is. I assume consultant will call on our behalf later today or tomorrow and we will get that ball rolling.

What is lindamood bell? Not familiar with that term.

Just as the meeting was starting the other day I looked for a tape recorder. Our state requires consent from all participants to tape record and I am assuming at this point they would conveniently have someone object. I know that I sure would if I had that principal on my side...

Thanks for all the support. Our consultant has told me repeatedly that I am unlike almost any other parent they have to work with because I have done my research and I am really holding their feet to the fire. Each time I just smile and think of all of you. You are the ones that have made it possible so far. Now to take a deep breath and get over this hurdle...

Pemb, on recording:

Actually, we have a ritual at our meetings; I put my digital voice recorder on the table (you can get one at Best buy, or get iRecorder as an app for the iPad) and I say "would it be okay if we record? it's so hard for me to think and take really complete notes at the same time" [which we all know is a nice excuse] then the district person smiles and says "just so long as you know that we are also entitled to a copy of the recording on request." Done.

They've never needed the copies, we have never introduced them into a court case, but they were valuable evidence to have while we needed them. Plus: we found that people are nicer (less condescending, not as nasty) when being recorded.

A word of advice: now you've mentioned all those things, so they know about them. Don't make any more threats that you are not going to follow through on-- it looks like flailing, a bit, to them. If they do not agree to be reasonable in a way you and dd can live with, your best bet is not to threaten but to do.

You can send them a copy of your state dept of ed complaint, direct to the superintendent, when you file it, and so forth, if that is what your lawyer recommends.

I seem to remember that the private did not have the resources in place to handle dyslexia, anxiety, and all the other needs. Unless all that were to be paid for and added to the private scenario in a truly cooperative way involving the classroom teachers (this would be very hard to get), I still think your best bet is probably to straighten out the school you're in. I know that probably sounds insane, but that's what we did, and we were able to get the necessary people on the necessary learning curve so that our DS9 has had a few truly fabulous years there.

Good luck today,
DeeDee

Thanks DeeDee. Just to be clear, though, we absolutely will follow through on any and all of these courses of action. IF the spec ed attorney says to do it now it will be done now. I assume, though, that he will instead start with a strongly worded letter putting them on notice. Our consultant has been very clear who "the best in the state" is and has said that a letter from him "will REALLY get their attention." Probably this afternoon or tomorrow at the latest we will get that started. We need to know exactly what the district's plan is first though.

Thanks!

On the private school option -- is there one for kids with dyslexia? You seem to be talking about a specific private school, but I wonder if there's a school in the region that does specialize in these special needs. If it were to come to that (and let's hope it doesn't-- it seems that the present school is ultimately workable if certain structural issues can be worked out) a school focused on the special educational needs is the place you should be discussing.

Pemberly, I haven't commented much, but I've been reading along. Good grief. No person should be treated like this. Thinking of you and your DD. She's lucky to have you on her side.

GL today! Word of advice on picking a specialist, though the therapist you contacted seems sympathetic, she was probably being straight with you on little CBT training. Most master's degree counseling programs take a more family-systems or classic 'talk therapy' approach (which is wonderfully effective in many cases) BUT generally PhD pyschs have had more CogB training. A PhD's testimony also tends to stand up in court better. (i humbly say this as a master's level clinician...any CBT expertise I have is from post-Masters training of my own accord).

Meeting is over and really could not have gone any better. New DSS seems to understand the issues and will be approaching the principal as our "envoy" (her term not ours.) She asked what we want and we said the simplest solution is to move the first grade teacher to second grade. Otherwise to find a way to recreate that classroom environment, all while working with DD on addressing the anxiety from AIM. She said that they have another case where they are trying to undo the damage caused by a magnet but couldn't remember if it is the same one. I explained that having someone just do what current teacher does may not be enough because it is an entire approach to teaching that is different than that of teachers who rely on punishment and public shaming. I *think* she understands.

I told her that I fully support a desensitization program but it has to be done properly. "We need to be smart about this." I explained that I am concerned about it being rushed or done improperly and that I think it needs to be done in conjunction with putting DD in a classroom where she has the ability to access her education.

So we left it that she is going to try to meet with the principal to see if she is willing to work on creating this classroom environment. I made clear that we need to have DD in a classroom this fall and if the district is unable to meet her needs that our hands will be tied - we will have to seek placement elsewhere. I also told her that as a taxpayer I resent that this principal's ego is writing checks that the town will have to cash...

So I will keep you posted. I figure at the point either she will have an appropriate classroom at the local public or she will be at the private while we sue the school district. I will continue to seek out an appropriate psych but no longer think it is even an option for the school district to attempt this over the summer.

Will keep you posted.

So glad to hear it went well and they are willing to work with you.

My older dd, who is also an anxious child, went to a school starting in kindergarten where they used the color system. There was only 1 time she wasn't on green for the day and it was b/c I didn't return her progress report signed the very next day so they put her on yellow for that. Other than that she never had problems with being on any color than green and it still created anxiety and angst for her. She also had difficulties with anxiety with choosing what she would have for lunch, or who she would sit with. The whole ride to school she would agonize over it and cry that she didn't want to go to school b/c she didn't know what choice to make. I tried explaining to the school how anxious she was but b/c she didn't show any anxiety at school they didn't believe me. That school did more harm than good and I should have pulled her out when I had the chance.

She is in a much better school (doesn't use the color system) and her anxiety level have decreased dramatically since the beginning of school last year. FWIW she is dyslexic as well.

Great job, Pemberley. Your DD is lucky to have you as her champion.

DeeDee

No word yet on classroom placement but we started the ball rolling on the Spec Ed attorney. I have been talking to the therapists my Ped recommended. I found one I am comfortable with ("she sounds like me - I'm dyslexic and I went to Harvard") but she is only in the process now of being approved by insurance. I spoke to another today who made me feel like I need to take a shower. Advocating for your kid is tough enough. Having an expert talk down to you just makes it harder. I am HG myself, thank you, so you can go stuff your condescension.

Sorry had to get that one off my chest...