Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Ideas about managing behavior after school?

My 5 yr old son, just started kindergarten last week. I have been so nervous for him to start and can't wait to talk to his teacher (but I'm waiting till the end of this week as the prinicpal suggested). I have been so worried about his behavior AT school, I never thought I would be having issues at home. Btw, it's full day kindergarten, and he's never done full day before.
So, after the first day of school, B got off the bus and hugged me enthusiastically. Then, it went down hill. He wouldn't talk about school at all and was insisting to play outside. I obliged outside even though he was talking back and aggravating his younger brother ( taking things out of his hands, grabbing his favorite stuff and running off, etc). Outside, B escalated- tried to hit me with a ball, ran over my foot with his bike, pushing brother and getting him to scream. When I tried to ask him to stop, he'd start yelling +/or crying. Wouldn't come to the dinner table. Was sent to his room by my husband. B swung at my husband. I was sent in to pick up the pieces. B was hyperventilating and hysterical, saying he never wanted to go back to school. We did some deep breathing and I read to him. He was finally calm and went to sleep. The next 2 days after school, B came home telling me a few things about school, says his teacher is "alright", and is so over- hyper and crazy. They only have recess for 20mins, so first I thought he need to run. Yet, it doesn't seem to help. He is literally bouncing off the walls till bedtime. We have also been having a problem with B doing whatever he wants even when he is specifically told no, after first hysterically crying because you said no. Also, I think he loves making his little brother scream. I know it's only been a few days, and do I'm hoping he's just adjusting to school. At what point should I be worried? B did not have perfect behavior before school, but the behaviors were mostly under control. Also, I'm not sure what the right approach is exercise, quiet activity, letting him choose. Any thoughts?
Thanks in advance (sorry this is so long),
Melessa

Maybe he is over tired? Alot of little kids can look hyper when they are really tired. Maybe try getting him to bed earlier for awhile to see if that helps.

Definitely try putting him down for a nap after school, or moving his bedtime earlier. When a kid this age doesn't get enough sleep, it's transformative.

That's the quick fix. There's also the likelihood that he's acting out because his class is a terrible fit. Kindergarten in particular can be a horrifying experience for a gifted kid. It goes far too slow, and it focuses on skills far below the ones the child has already mastered. It's also the first school experience, where a gifted kid comes in excited about the opportunity to learn, and finds they're not learning anything.

There are no quick fixes for that. Good luck.

He's been holding it together in an unfamiliar and probably much more structured place all week. It's not unusual for a kid to let go of the reins when he gets home and doesn't have to anymore.

A routine that worked for us is to get the kids in the door (and into play clothes if necessary), give them a quick snack, and then let them "run the stink off 'em", as my grandmother would have so charmingly put it. Playing outside is an option; now that my kids are older they go in their rooms or head for the XBox. Homework or practice is slightly more palatable after a break.
Being mean to siblings is, of course, never acceptable behavior, but as long as you don't allow it, this too will pass fairly quickly. If there's a younger, non-school-attending sister or brother they may want to pounce the minute Big Brother walks in, but in this house, that's never ended well. The big kids need some space for a half four or so.

That is a very long, stimulating day for a 5-yr. old, esp. one that hasn't experienced such a long day surrounded by other kids before. My kids always needed a snack right away, and then maybe some quiet time reading and cuddling if he would go for it. I totally agree about the earlier bedtime too.

This brings back memories of one of my twins, now 10. He was super-skinny and they didn't have snack time in the afternoon, even though they ate lunch at 11, and got out of school at 4. By the time school ended, he was out energy and overtired. He would throw tantrums and behave very similarly to how you describe. Sometimes we had to carry him upstairs to his room, kicking and screaming, for a time out. He had never behaved like that before, so it took me a while to figure out how to handle it.

I started picking him up at school, rather than have him ride the bus, with a snack literally in hand that he would wolf down. Then I also made the rule that the boys had to rest for 15 minutes before going outside to play. (They happily laid down on the couch to watch TV.) It took about a month, but he finally settled down. I continued with the snacks until about 3rd grade, though.

We were warned that new Kinders (my new word) can be a BEAR the first few weeks of K (this by the principal in a meeting for parents). She admitted she was taken surprise when her own daughters were a mess at first.

Do they have a rest time? It also seems like a VERY short recess time. I think my ds gets 3 seperate recesses.

Yup, agree with all the above. Give it time. Starting school is exhausting. It took 5 weeks for DD when she started going full days to adjust. We moved bedtime forward each week until tantrums stopped. We could finally move it back to a more reasonable time after about 6 months (we had been picking her up, feeding her dinner, and putting her bed for the night).

DS starts full days this year after half-day kindergarten last year. I have respectfully declined a visit from my parents over Labor Day, and DS will resume swim lessons in October. We're hunkering down and expecting the worst.

Melissa - can you arrange to visit the classroom and see for yourself what is going on in there? I would make an appointment today for the end of the week with the teacher.

Is there any safe way your son can get outdoors without you and little brother?

Getting snack and bedtimes tuned up sounds like a good idea. Can you give him something to eat on the bus ride home?

((hugs))
Keep us posted,
Grinity

Mine was a mess for the first couple weeks of K, despite having been at 5-day-a-week-full-day preschool for two years before that. The transition is really hard.