Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Changing Daycares

At a little over 2.5 my DD (older) started telling us she did not like going to her daycare, that the kids did not understand her etc. That said, the staff have always adored her (with the possible exception of her current main caretaker) and she has always had friends there. But this is the year she stood out from the rest in obvious ways.

She is usually pretty happily playing when we pick her up, or drop by. Long story short I started checking into preschools and found that for her we think and hope a Montessori will be best, because of the 3-6 age group. She is starting there end of August & turning 3 in September. It will have its own challenges, including a big schedule change for us, but if you have a sense this is not the right place for him now, it probably isn't going to be in n months either.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

Does he play with toys appropriately? If you give him a few toys cars does he drive them around with sound effects or does he just look at them and line them up? Can he engage in pretend play with you? Feed a doll, pretend to be a doctor?

NCPmom I have considered home daycare but it makes me nervous to leave my son in a strangers home. I feel much more comfortable with a public facility. However, if I could find someone I trust to watch him, I am open to it. It might be a much better environment for him and I do think the older children would be a plus.

He is 2 years 8 months and right now his daycare has 2 to 5 all in the same class which is nice because he does talk to the 4 and 5 year olds some, but still he is much more focused on numbers, letters, reading etc than they are. It seems the older the children, the better the connection with him.

Sunday_driver, I am looking into Montessori schools for my son in the future too. Please post how they are working out for your daughter.

MotherofToddler, Occasionally he will play with toys like cars, trains appropriately but usually does not.
For example, if you give him a race car, instead of sayind "car" and driving it around on the floor, he will get excited and say "its a red car mommy with a 45 on it, then spell it "c a r" and then say the number in spanish, "cuarenta y cinco". He will go on to talk about the spelling of car or the numbers on it with excitement, but as far as the normal play, he just isn't interested.

He will pretend play as far as purposely spelling a word wrong, laughing about it and going "that's not a word mommy, thats not right, laugh again like its the funniest thing ever, and then spell it correctly. He also frequently spells words out with his hands in sign language. He jokes around a lot, but its mostly centered around his obsession with numbers, letters, and sign language. It like he's living in his own world. He even makes comments like "its just letters and numbers for me mom. I really don't know what to think about all of this.

Keep in mind that what may be a fit may not be a fit six months later because he is growing at a high rate and will outstrip the school. They may at first like him but his unusual abilities - if they are not catering to them - soon become a distraction.

Mr W did well at Montessori when he was 18 mos old but by the time he was 30+ months, it was not a fit. The toddler room was more free form and he was able to play with the 3 year olds. But when he moved up with the 3/4 year olds, he was already beyond them intellectually and the items in the room he had had at home since he was a year old. And he just exhausted the teachers in the room. And then they gave him a test but stopped at the 3 year old stuff. But he knew everything up through the K stuff.

We moved him to a more structured school where he was accelerated, but after 6 months he had exhausted what they had. He was given an achievement test at this school at only missed one question. He was not even 4 and his intellectual age in terms of what he knew was on par with an 8 year old. And we did not work with him.

What do you do with a super high energy kid who is reading at a 4th grade level who is in with kids who are still learning their letters? Few schools or teachers can deal with this.

I could go on, but the long and short of it is that he is home schooled now and we explicitly work with him. His level of understanding of social situations is around a 12 year old now and he is very compassionate. But, he is still a 4 year old boy in many ways.

You have to look for a place with a teacher who is up to the challenge. I would talk to the teacher whose class he will go into. I do not think the class matters so much as getting the buy in from the teacher. You may be tempted to go through the director but you have to sell the teacher. If you take the teacher approach, then you will at least find a fair fit.

It's sooooo hard to differentiate certain things at 2. No matter, he's certainly gifted. I w az s confused if my son had Aspergers or not at that age...and that's what I for a living! Beyond imaginary play (and i've had kids with Aspy who pretend play for hours upon hours in their area of interest), I would be keeping track of things like hypersensitivity, ability to tolerate frustration, flexibility, and repetetive movements (hand shaking, finger flapping, rocking....even for very short periods pf time) to discuss with the
neurospych.

Not trying to stress you out. As I said before, my DS was a numbers/letters kid, reading at age 2. He has never been a toy kid..and at 5 he clearly does not have ASD, but it took awhile for his imagination and social skills with same-aged peers to catch up to reading and math interest.

Austin, I agree that the key is finding a teacher who is up for the challenge of dealing with a gifted child. I know first hand from substitute teaching, the many challenges of classroom management. Often times, gifted children get lost in the shuffle. If they are quick at learning and great student who finish their work quickly and then reads quietly, it is wonderful. I'm sure glad that they are not a problem child. There is no time to sit and give attention to the fact that the child is not getting challenged and bored, because I am swamped with behavior problems and focused on the kids who need help with the lesson.

My son is quiet and has never had a behavior problem or conflict with another child at daycare. He teaches himself and keep to himself mostly. To a teacher this isnt something that needs fixing so I think his gifts will go ignored. They do complain that he only wants to socalize with the adults because they don't have the time to spend with him. Things have to be done in groups. I just want to make sure he gets a challenging education.

Evemomma, I understand what you are saying about it being hard to really tell whether Aspergers is present or not at age 2. I have been worried about it because he does have the characteristics of being interested in a particular area obsessively. He can be a bit repetitive at times with saying things more than once. He doesn't fit the characteristics as far as being disconnected emotionally from others or not making eye contact. He always makes eye contact, is hypersensitive about others feelings, and very affectionate physically. He always gives hugs and kisses and will even tell people it will be alright if they are upset. He is very social with people older then him.
I really believe his not socializing much with other toddlers has to do with him being bored because he has advanced to quickly. I really don't know though and am anxious to see what the psychiatrist says after his neuropsych evaluation.

Try to keep in mind that this is just one daycare experience and that your ds is still quite young. Some daycares are set up such that things are done in groups, others are set up differently. Also try not to worry about whether or not he'll get a challenging education at this point - just focus on getting him into a setting where he's nurtured and loved and go from there. You can feed his need for learning more reading (or whatever) at home, but at 2.5 I wouldn't anticipate you'll find many organized schools that will be hugely into academics... and again, I'm probably an outlier on this, but jmo that's ok. Sometimes we look at learning ABCs, how to read, etc as easy quantifiers of giftedness at early ages, but exposure to ideas, new knowledge that's not so easily quantifiable, just being able to experience a lot of different things, experience life, experience different people - those are all things that gifted kids soak up like sponges too


I think it's good you've got a neuropsych evaluation lined up - whether or not you find out there's a challenge or everything is totally typical or he's PG or whatever, it will give you insight into who he is and what his needs are. The neuropsych might have suggestions for the type of daycare/preschool area in your area that would be a good fit.

Back to daycare, if you do some digging you might find an early preschool in your area. When my kids were little, most preschools didn't start until 3 but we found a Montessori that started at 18 months that my dds both attended. It wasn't a straight "learn the ABCs and how to read" type preschool but it was much more learning-oriented than a daycare situation.

I also wanted to add - my EG ds had a few behaviors at 2-4 that looked like behaviors that are included on lists for potential signs of ASD - he lined up his cars (and his Halloween candy lol)... he never engaged in imaginary play. He still doesn't engage well in imaginary play type exercises - it's just not who he is. His brain is wired to be an engineer. Sorting out what's personality vs what's a symptom of something that's a challenge is really difficult when children are so young. You're doing absolutely the best thing you can do for your ds - seeing the neuropsych, asking for advice from others, paying close attention. No matter what, your ds is going to be fine with you as his mom!

Best wishes,

polarbear

Visit every preschool in your area and tell them what you are looking for.
When we were looking at schools for DS then 22 mos. He read the charts on the walls and all the kids names on the cubbies. One of the teachers said, oh
He is just like me I read very early too! She has turned out to be his greatest
Advocate whether he is in her class or not. She understands his intensity, sensitivity, Perfectionism, obsessions and his inability to sleep at naptime. He has been introduced to many subjects that keep him challenged and very happy.

Our ped was able to hook us up with the local gifted homeschool group since he treats some other PG kids that needed something other than public school.
Hopefully your NP can point you in the right direction.

Thanks everyone for all of your input. I am very stressed out right now so I cant really get my thoughts together to respond to everything. I was at a mom to mom get-together today and of course my son starts spelling words and signing them. It attracted a lot of attention as it usually does and it was very uncomfortable. The looks on some of the moms faces are very negative, others are just amused. I just said well some kids love trains and cars, and mine loves letters and numbers. One lady said but he just spelled elephant, what are you doing? I said nothing. He's just into letters and numbers.

I don't know if he has Asbergers or if he is just gifted. I'll have to wait and see. Either way we are outsiders and it's how it is. I love my son and just hope he is happy.

I just came across this blog post that La Texican mentioned in her Blog Post tour. It may be helpful when seeking out a new preschool. Topic is how to talk to teachers about your young gifties.

Originally Posted By: La Texican
http://makingmusicwithkids.blogspot.com/2012/07/getting-teachers-on-your-side-finding.html

I know it's frustrating when preschools don't work out. In our experience, we sought out a preschool mainly because everyone else in our town was doing the whole part-time preschool thing. DS hated it, but it was good for him to gain experience being around other kids. We did not look at preschool (and not really kindregarten either) as a place for education, since DS already knew the curriculum. He learned things through osmosis most of the time, and we followed his lead. If I had to do it over again, I probably would have skipped the whole organized preschool thing. I know that's not helpful to you, as it looks like you need it for childcare as well (which we did once DS hit kindergarten stage). But you will get less frustrated as your kiddo gets older and you get better at figuring out what he needs and how to advocate for it. It's especially hard when they're so young and asynchronous. Hang in there!

Oh, and try not to pay so much attention to the other negative mommies (although maybe you don't want to go back to that particular type of event). You responded appropriately - there's nothing you're doing, your kid just loves that academic stuff.