Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy More about awkward conversations

Have you heard of the little boy who would introduce himself on the playground by saying, loudly, "I'm Jim, I'm 5 years old, and I'm in 1st grade!". He wasn't trying to brag, but other parents had puzzled looks. We told him not to mention what grade he was in unless asked.

My daughter went through this too - but it was before the braggy phase. She was around 5 - and could do no right in her own eyes. I don't think she was fishing - I think it was related to her perfectionism.

It was really hard to deal with - I didn't know what to do. On the one hand, telling her that she's done fine "But I like your drawing! It's not awful" ...gives her positive feed back, but if you have to say it as often as we did, you wonder if it sounds fake to the child. Thank heavens she outgrew it.

We used the same strategy others have mentioned before me about how everyone has things to offer, and how some are ahead of her in other ways. In addition, we told her how declaring herself "smart" was meaningless, because nearly everyone thinks of themselves as being smart, to some degree. 85% of the people you ask will identify themselves as at least "above average," which is a mathematical impossibility. So, telling someone that you're smart conveys nothing. You might as well say, "I breathe!"

Truly intelligent people never have to advertise, I told her. Just be yourself, and people will notice. This message has been brought to you by the kid who always got freaky stares on the playground for using "big words."

It doesn't help when every adult says to them from a very young age "aren't you clever/smart etc". Drives me crazy because it has never been said that way at home.

Hi
So CollinsMum's DS's powers of prediction were apparently spot on! I dont think DS introduced himself to this new group of kids he is with for the summer saying he was smart but was clearly showing off or just reverting to his go to happy science place because he wasn't yet comfortable. So comes to find out the kids are now making him do what I call stupid DS tricks (just to DH, though) basically constantly asking him to prove it, just like ColinsMum DS said they would and DS is so tired of it, just like he said he would be (I'm starting to sound like the Carrot Seed book) it just burst out of him! I told him to tell people next that he had his turn and it's someone else's turn, or to just pick someone, it's George's turn now. He seemed to think those were good options.

So social lesson learned I think. I would be a lot more comfortable about it though if it was just the kids, saw the kids/ adults last week and the adults were of the OMG he is so smart variety, which is nice, but why say it in front of DS and in front of the other kids and do it constantly too - I will never understand that. One adult, a teacher, called him a prodigy - to him and to us - way not comfortable with that. DH said I was actiing embarrassed but it was more the, what do you expect DS to do ith this info - and really cant stand all these people telling us how smart he is, not because I am embarrassed but because it's like they think we haven't noticed it!!!! Hello, we live with him! Okay rant over.

We have taken the many words of advice here and really focused on the praising of actions - we are working on his handwriting this summer, making him write a little bit everyday so that he is not falling further behind when school starts and the other day he did it independently and did a very nice job, self correcting the spacing, which is his major issue. So I told my DH privately who then told DS how proud he was, and how pleased I had been with his effort and working without supervision etc, and DS gave a good impression of a pufferfish he was so proud of himself.

DeHe

Exactly.
Our school district has self-contained gifted elementary and middle school programs housed in larger schools, so that there are the magnet kids, and then there are the "zonies". Whether or not the magnet kids are encouraged to feel superior at home, the schools actively promote the We Are The Master Race attitude. For example, at gifted open house last fall, one of the speakers (eighth grade) assured the incoming sixth graders not to worry, that it's not required to interact with the zoned kids most of the time. Likewise, at a SAC meeting the principal commented that math team wasn't available for the school as a whole because it's not likely that there'd be a zoned kid who would qualify, after all. By the time the kids have been in this atmosphere a few years (and through no real fault of their own), some of them are absolutely insufferable.