Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school running away three year old

Every parent has the choice on how to parent, within the law, though some of the choices these kids make is scarey, even choices we made are not safe.

Talking with a DA today, every bag of marijuana sold in NYC is laced with crystal meth.

A 7 year old kid was grabbed as he went into his school. There is some one there watching as they get off the bus, but this guy still grabbed him.

There was some kids on some kid site and some predator got on and met with some of them and raped 3 kids.

Risk averse is not terrible in today's age.

How can you make a consequence serious enough to bug a 3 tr old?

You know what got my kid to stop running away in parking lots? A bag of smarties, distributed one by one for staying with me and cooperating. It was never a problem again.

Depends on the kid. For my DS, misbehaving in public meant a time-out wherever we were (on the grocery store floor comes to mind). He was embarrassed and usually shaped up for many trips.

The consequence has to be meaningful to the child. WHat is currency for the child...a certain toy, game, book? The freedom to get from one place to another under his own volition? It is different for every kid. For my oldest, she would lose a toy for a set amount of time, for my younger, it was having to wear a harness when walking in public. Of course, the "currency" changes as they got older. But I do think that what ever you choose needs to mean something.

But for a 3 yr old??? Nothing is worth enough to him to matter.

You have a stubborn one....4 is infinitely easier than 3. 5 is easier than 4....here's hoping 6 carries on the trend before it goes backwards again around 9.

I actually, now that I've thought about it, have decided not to tell my son he has to stay beside me "because I don't trust him". I really wanted to nip that in the bud, that laughing and running when it's time to go. When he was younger it was "walk, be carried, or be dragged out over my shoulder.". Haven't had to drag him over my shoulder in quite a while. Tic tacs are a great motivator at all times. Did not have them on me or thing about it but i do use them practcally always for the carseat wars (nonexistant) and for easy shopping. That's why it's a good thing to be able to talk these things out, even if it's in a chatroom. It helps to talk out what you really mean to do.

I do use the "tomato staking" the "time ins" the, what else have I heard it called, when I keep him close to me when he's not behaving so well. There's reason to talk it to death on top of it.

Actually, your son has already told you what matters most to him - independence and the ability to make his own choices. When he stays by your side, doesn't run away, comes when you tell him it's time to go, etc., reward him immediately verbally and with the promise of an immediate freedom.

For example, "Look at how you came when I called you. I am so proud of you for being so responsible. And because you came when I called, I think I'm ok if you don't hold my hand from here to the curb - as long as you stop and wait for me there."

And by the same token, you immediately remove a freedom when he ignores your request. "I asked you to come, and instead of showing me how you could be responsible, you ran away. That isn't ok, because it meant I had to run after you and that you were paying more attention to running away than to being safe. And because of that, I am going to carry you to the car because I can't trust that you'll stay by me where you are safe from the traffic."

He's smart. He'll get it, and I bet he gets it fast.

Currency with my kids is RARELY about things - taking them away, offering gifts, etc. They really didn't care, and they were happy to go without their things in order to have freedom and autonomy. So I had to learn that what they would work for was to gain freedom through actions that made me think they were able to handle that freedom.

It's a pain in the neck, because you have to be consistent. Every time, whether you're tired or stressed out or having an argument with your spouse. You have to be prepared to be "on" all the time until they've tested your limits enough to know it isn't going to change and that there isn't a way to distract or manipulate you into giving up and just letting them do what they wanted because it's easier at the moment.

And, this worked with my kids. I don't even pretend to know your kid or what will work for your family. This is just from my perspective of what I've learned over the 21 years I've been raising gifted, highly independent, exhausting kids.

Honestly, ABQmon, that's not it. What he wants is full-on follow-my-lead asttention. There's just not enought of that to make taking a little or giving a little meaningful. He wants 300% of what he gets, and needs about 200% of it.

I guess I kinda think most people for whom your approach works must somehow be doing a whole lot more than just that. I just don't know what, and I'm not sure even the people who do know what it is...