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Smart risk assessment includes moving indoors during a lightning storm or getting out of the water when a shark has been spotted. Sure, the odds of being struck by lightning or bit by a shark are extremely low, but it only has to happen to you once.

Cue me to jump in now because we all actually went outside the other night just to watch the lightening storm because the storm was on the edge of our area for hours and never did move in so it was dry but awesome. (it was the day before the Venus transit- which we didn't see). We'd been checking the weather app to see if it was going to make it this far or not.

I don't have a fear specifically of SIDS, but I occasionally got/get a little anxious going to sleep I guess because if something happens to my kids in the daytime it won't be long before they get a response but during bedtime it's literally half a lifetime before anyone would know anything was wrong to respond to. Of course I recognize it as anxiety and beyond my control, but I actually have to tell myself the phrase, "my kids are fine" when I'm going to sleep.

I'm much more lenient at letting my kids try things/do things/climb things but I'm also quick to tell them if they're not doing it right and I helicopter and I redirect when they're tired because that makes them clumsy. I'm talking about stuff like my 19 month old likes the big slide at the playground, climbs it and puts herself down it. My 4.5 climbs the outside of the tube slide at the playground (allowed by the rules and done by kids a little older). Yes, my kid wears gear to ride his bike. He's got training wheels now but when he gets older and wants to do bike tricks or ride a skateboard it will be too late to introduce helmet rules if he doesn't use one to start with.

Yes, but smart risk assessment does not include staying inside whenever it is cloudy or never swimming in the ocean. The number of kids actually abducted by a stranger is about 200/year, IIRC. Killed by a stranger, 50. Those are pretty small numbers.

(As for shark attacks, boy, THOSE numbers are REALLY tiny! I never worry about sharks, though I don't surf.)

BUT! I am paranoid mom of the year when it comes to water safety. Because drowning happens. A lot. I have seen a couple of close calls with young kids already. Brrr.

As for this, I have been having the safety conversation with my kids since they were....3ish? Don't go with anyone you don't know, if someone approaches you and tries to make you to come with them yell "Stop, you're not my dad/mom," if you're lost, look for a mom with kids and ask her for help, don't let anyone touch you in your private areas unless it's a doctor and I'm there, etc (simplifying here for brevity). I worry a lot less about childhood innocence than lack of information.

My ultimate goal is to raise kids who are confident not reckless, prepared not scared, assertive not assaultive, and resourceful not oblivious. Sigh...if it was only a simple task.

On the personal safety front, I learned the "clean and healthy rule" from another clinician and used it ever since with young kids: that no one should touch or discuss your private parts unless it's to keep you clean or healthy.

Smart posting means thinking about what has already been said before making inflammatory comments.

Go back and read the previous posts and see if you can spot the metaphorical shark sighting.

Dude, I did read your previous post. Was this reported to the police? What was the outcome? Have you spoken directly to the parents of the other children? I certainly see the concern--I would definitely want to have a lot more information in this situation. However, I would still, just for instance, allow my daughter to cross the street to get the mail, as she does every day. I can see her from the kitchen window.

Wren -

I'm coming to this post a bit late but think it is a very good question about how to teach and role model the balance risk taking with learning to use prudence and caution.

When my kids were fairly young, they got into rock climbing and joined a local team with an amazing coach who taught them all of the horrific risks associated with irresponsible behavior. The kids became very good at assessing danger and risks while also learning to push themselves past their own fears to take calculated risks. It has served them well, and it helped teach them things that I don't think I could have. Once they knew how to drive, my two older kids would join up with other kids on the team and travel to remote parts of our state to climb in their favorite spots. When storms approached, they cleaned their equipment off the routes and moved to safety. They religiously checked the safety of their equipment and refused to climb with some who they considered reckless. That balance between risk and freedom flowed over to most other areas of their lives.

My preference would have been to bubble-wrap them and duct tape them to the wall until they metamorphosed into responsible adults, but it doesn't seem to work that way.

See the NYT mag. article about Horace Mann. IMO the real risks are people our kids know. Also the book Protecting the Gift (trusting our instincts and teaching kids to trust theirs). I loved the rock climbing story above--I think that is a wonderful way to learn the balance between risk and freedom.

Yes, I agree.