Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Age-Appropriate Expectations

LOL

Mr W can be an adult in understanding things, but his age on other things. And sometimes he is a teenager.

We are learning to cut him some slack.

We are also muddling through this, also at the same age as your son. At times I worry that it can feel too heavy to her, so I try to balance it by introducing what I think a more typical 2.5 yr old is going through, and to let her know that I understand her situation when we talk. But it isn't easy and like others have said I have my "whoa, I need to slow down" moments.

In our case, we just observe DD7 and keep our expectations in line with what she's shown us she's capable of. More often than not it's a case of the shoe on the other foot, where she expects to be able to do more, and we have to remind her of her age.

I do the same thing with DD (2.5) but I really don't know and can't tell when I'm asking too much because she does actually rise to the occasion most of the time. My biggest problem is I have nothing to compare her to as she is my first child.
For example she was potty trained at 20months but wears a diaper at night. She asked if she could wear underwear to bed and I said no (because she always has a wet diaper in the AM). We compromised on a pull-up. Last night she wore one but I had closed her bathroom door (with child lock). She was beyond PO'd in the morning because she said she couldnt get in the bathroom (oops - but really I didn't think she would try it). So tonight I left the bathroom door open but gave her about a million instructions about leaving TP in potty, putting back on pull up, not going back in room without pull up, ect ect.
We will see how it goes!
How can I tell what normal expectations are for a 2 1/2 year old?

I think this is a problem all parents face...whether their child is gifted or not. We tend to try to "word teach" them through life despite the fact that most kids need to learn through repitition of doing (talking social/behavioral here). Dr. Phelan (123 Magic) calls this the "Little Adult" assumption...often we think if we just give kids the logical reason things should be - that they will respond accordingly. Unfortunately, the truth is a child's brain is not fully formed and completely capable of adult reasoning (frontal core processing) until into their 20s!

I think the Little Adult issue is even harder to resist when you have a child who is so cognitively ahead. My DS5 and I have had conversations about synapse and neuron development ...it's super hard for me to remember he doesn't think the way I do.

I think there is no real 'normal' for a 2 1/2 year old...some are super far from potty-training, some are completely done, and some are in the midst. I think that's awesome if your DD is able to get up and go to the potty in the middle of the night. When my DS started going pull-up free, we would wake him up before we went to sleep at night (around 11pm)and just gently walk him to the potty. He was a deep sleeper, so we knew he wouldn't wake up on his own.

My DS was super, super, super easy to PT...we didn't try until he was 2y4m...but he trained in a weekend and never wet at naptime or nightime. We only used about a half-bag of pull-ups for nighttime because he just did so well. So I knew my expectations were really messed up about PTing in the first place.

I started PTing my DD2 last week. She caught on pretty quickly if WE tell her when it's time to go...but she's not nearly as easy when we take a more hands off approach. Generally, I'm against pull-ups unless we are out and about, but I've gotten a bit lazy lately and left a pull-up on her when we got home from running and SURE enough - she's wet in two the past two days.

So today we're back to bottoms in the buff and try to get back on track. She usually wakes up dry (was noticing this before we even started PTing), but if she doesn't get up and go quickly after waking, she'll wet in her pull-up.

I really do wish there was a magic PT wand out there.

This site has been helpful to me. PBS Child Development Tracker

You'll be able to find a lot of information about what is typical and even a bit beyond typical for each age, including: Approaches to Learning; Creative Arts; Language; Literacy; Mathematics; Physical Health; Science & Social and Emotional Growth