Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional I need help, I don't know what to do anymore

DS7 has been identified as gifted, diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and mild depression.

I have always wondered if he might be somewhere on the ASD scale as well, but when he got his psycho-educational evaluation, the diagnostician said that she didn't believe he was anywhere on the scale. His psychologist has never mentioned it either.

I've taken a few online quizzes and they show he may be on the scale and to get a professional evaluation. Last night I had him take this Autism quiz and he got a 35, the results said anything over 34 is "very possible" for Autism.

Along with his quirks, he is a VERY angry little boy. It makes me so scared for what might happen in the future. We've been in therapy for 2 years now and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I've read books, I've gone online... I just don't know what to do anymore.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I hate to say this, but I'm seriously considering sending him away to school because I'm not sure I can take it anymore. It's really taking a toll on my stress level, our family's health and my poor DD9 is having to listen to constant fighting. He often tells her "I know you hate me", even though she's never (that I know of) said that she does and she often tells him she loves him and does nice things for him.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

**ETA**
I have a Skype meeting with this psychologist next week to talk about these issues since she specializes in gifted children.

Hi, KD,

I think you should go back for further evaluation. Since you suspect autism spectrum disorder, you should find someone with expertise in this diagnosis, and make sure they do the ADOS; I've posted elsewhere on this forum a list of useful tests for discerning whether a person has ASD. It's important to use a standardized test rather than a qualitative assessment alone.

For my DS, talk therapy never did anything. We found that ABA (applied behavior analysis) and cognitive-behavior therapy gave us much more help. If the therapy isn't working, I'd say re-evaluate and make a new plan based on your new findings.

Hang in there,
DeeDee

Thanks DeeDee... I'll have to look into ABA and cognitive-behavior therapy. I'll talk to the other psychologist about that as well. I'll look through for your post about the tests.

Kids carrying multiple diagnosis' are often a red flag that there is something more 'systemic' occurring. Is the psychologist you're skyping with the same one that has provided therapy tor two years with little change? If so I strongly urge you to get a second opinion. ASD run a wide range from very noticeable to barely perceptible. Often times kids will not meet full criteria for an ASD, but that doesn't mean there aren't ASD traits. I tell my parents that even if the diagnosis is ill-defined, the interventions for spectrum traits are the same. A parent's instincts are often (if not nearly always) right on.


I suggest you check out Oasis online (aspergersyndrome.org) which has tons of resources on aspergers, high-functioning autism, and differential dd such as non-verbal learning disorder.

Autism is generally identified by age three due severe expressive language delays...but Aspergers and NVLD are not often identified until school age when they cannot cope with their rigid needs in a world of spontaneity and constant rule 'breaches'.

Evemomma - No, the one we're meeting with via Skype is a different psychologist than we've been seeing. I searched for a psychologist that specializes in gifted children and she was the only one "near". I say "near" because she lives/works 4 hours south of us. But I contacted her as a "what the heck" and to see if she knows anyone locally we can work with (she says there are none, which I believe).

I've thought he's been "different" for a long time, that's the original reason I had him evaluated. Thanks for the information about Oasis online, going to go check it out now.

Hi, KD,
Sorry you're having trouble. Our DD8 was "tentatively" diagnosed earlier this year with ADHD, ODD, Asperger's, and dysgraphia (along with gifted). I've read James Webb's book on Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Kids and don't think she meets the full criteria for any of them (except maybe dysgraphia) although she definitely 'acts' ADHD at school and has some social issues that fit with some of the Asperger's criteria. She sometimes says stuff like "you hate me" when we disagree with her, but often says it out of frustration when she feels she is being treated unfairly and if we lay out consequences in advance so it is her choice (to continue and get the consequence) she generally accepts the responsibility. We took this online course called Positive Parenting Solutions that laid out that general approach and was very helpful, and I would say we have very few problems at home except that there is often a lot of "discussion" about what choices should be available unless we cut it off--but we can. School, especially this year, has been another matter because the teacher would not stop her from misbehaving until she got really annoyed and then would often give an unexpectedly harsh consequence, which drove DD nuts and led to lots of defiance. It sounds like your son has more serious anger issues, but maybe he feels like he doesn't have control over his environment and is getting frustrated and acting out. It's good you're going to a specialist--I hope it helps.

He hasn't said "you hate me" to us too often, mostly when talking about his sister, which makes her very sad.

I'll have to check out the online course you took as well.

I looked into the OASIS online site, lots of great information. I have contacted a few people in my area that are listed on that page, so hopefully I can find someone closer than 4 hours away...

Another question for you all - he is taking medication for ADHD and he is much better when taking it. However, he never eats anything when he's taking it and he's already very small for his age (still wearing 4T stuff and he's 7). So for the summer we've taken him off of the medication and he's been absolutely awful. Do any of you have experience with ADHD medication & Asperger's/Autism?

Will PM you.

KD...

Glad you found Oasis helpful....I refer my clients to it often. I'm assuming the meds he is taking are a stimulant? Stimulants can literally change a child's life for the better; however side effects are always a cost-benefit analysis. They often surpress appetite (as you've noted)....but they can also cause sleep disturbance, anxiety, irritability, compulsion, mood lability, and/or depression. Giving him a med holiday can help sort out side effects vs. Symptoms. It's a long road to navigate...I do hope you can find one or more professionals to guide you well. But no one has more expertise and devotion to your child than you - no matter how many letters they have after their name.

Evemomma, THANK YOU for the OASIS website. I found this clinic on their site and contacted them. They contacted me right away and we've been playing phone tag. Hopefully I can talk to someone tomorrow morning!

Yes, he's taking Vyvanse, a stimulant. Today was a VERY, very hard day... and after today, I might go back on the "med holiday" idea. I hate this.

Thanks again to everyone for all of your advice and kind words, I appreciate it so very much.