Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Kid with anxiety + world issues

Wyldkat -

My parents recently returned from a trip where they visited the Mayan ruins. They said that the tourguide said there is no issue with their calendar, they simply reset it every so many years.
They have absolutely no fear of the world ending and think it is amusing that others believe that (but it is really good for their tourism).

I hope that helps your son!

I'm pretty sure that's outside the realm of science.

ITA with that last comment. Knowledge is power, especially for those who are as relentlessly concrete and logical as some of our kids.
Likewise, I think it is most comforting to believe that the Universe works much like one's own brain-- be those workings spiritual and with a tendency toward believing in Mystery, or not. FWIW, my daughter arrived at her conclusions toward atheism at eight, around the time of her First Communion, when she announced: "Well, because no one bothers if I sin except you, Mom, and I KNOW you aren't God."
Hard to argue that one.

As above, so below. As within, so without.

Let's hear it for analogy!

That's not quite true. The enforcers care. Deeply care.

"Wilby is an enforcer—compelled to punish wrongdoers and stamp out injustice even when it means making himself a target. Self-assertive, with a deep sense of right and wrong, and with occasional authoritarian tendencies, enforcers do whatever they feel is necessary to keep their community in order—no matter the personal cost. While most of us bite our tongues when we see someone cheated or treated unfairly, enforcers cannot be stifled."

Psychology Today - Field Guide to the Enforcer

The enforcers in our community care about what everyone else is doing. They care so much that people in my small town community in the Bible belt are dropping out of the one and only homeschool group in our area because the leadership recently voted to remove one of the homeschool families from the group. This family did something they didn't agree with, something the leadership felt was sinful. They cited this as the reason why they had to do it:

Dealing With Sin in the Church

15 “If your brother or sister[a] sins,[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[c] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

So if you do something they don't like, you are shunned. Other people are starting to voluntarily remove themselves from the roles of the homeschool group because they don't agree with what is happening.

Although we didn't participate in the homeschool co-op this year (because of my son's difficulties with his brace) we are still members of the group. My son had some anxiety last year because he felt like they watched everything we said and did. He became very quiet. He learned to bite his tongue. Not only did he have to deal with anxiety and pain but also social isolation.

We have enforcers in our family. We feel them looking down on us for things like not going to church with the rest of the family. It doesn't matter that my son has trouble getting up early enough to go to church because he has so much trouble sleeping and it is uncomfortable for him to sit in the brace. I had trouble going there after the preacher talked about anxiety being sinful. At that time my mother had extreme anxiety after complications of surgery left her with severe brain damage and she was literally pulling her hair out. It became unbearable after I heard people at church talking about young people who dress "inappropriately" by wearing jeans instead of slacks to church and I felt really sad when I heard about the teenager who visited the church alone but didn't remove his hat so an older church member chastised him for that. He never came back. Instead of support these people tell you that you are causing your pain by being sinful in some way.

We tried a different church. I had trouble getting my son to try any more churches after he heard the preacher at that church blaming headaches and pain on sin. He knows that he didn't cause his physical pain but he can't take being around people who think this way.

My son watches a lot of news and always has. I think feeling like he is doing something helps with anxiety about what is happening in the world. He is concerned enough about what he sees happening that he learns everything he can about the law and rights and politics. He thinks things can be changed for the better. He would like to be more involved. The state representative we talked to said he could volunteer to work as a page for a week at the state capitol when he is older. I would love for him to do this.

I think watching the news has enabled him to realize how lucky he is even though he has to wear a painful brace for years. He knows it would be worse if he lived somewhere where he could not ge medical treatment. I think he developed even more empathy for people by watching and reading the news.

The one bright spot for us in our town is community musical theater. Musical theatre people are wonderful and different in a positive way and very supportive. They are the kind of friends I want for my son and I think they will be friends for life. Performing in musical theatre has helped my son with anxiety at least in learning to perform well whether he has anxiety or not.

Invite yourself to dinner with them, they mean? Scary stuff. Seriously, though, sympathy that you have to deal with this kind of thing.

DS8 isn't seriously anxious but does tend to latch onto concerns and not be deflected, or reassured by "it probably won't happen". I shield him from news (easy, we don't have TV and I get my news fix from the web and from listening to the radio in bed) but am starting to be concerned that he is, therefore, ignorant about world affairs. Once he is concerned about something, we have to discuss it properly, and have some kind of a plan for dealing with it.

Lori H.
Your descriptions of your town/homeschooling group give me the chills but that doesn't mean I doubt you. It seems like you have a good way of looking in but still not severing from the group outwardly. I give you alot of credit for withstanding it all. I thrive on diversity and find it much easier to navigate.

Your son sounds pretty cool. I'll bet all of these experiences he's going through now will really translate into something big and helpful in his future.
Best wishes.

Show up on their doorstep every. blinkin'. Saturday. morning. until they begin to meet you at the door with a knife and a dead chicken?

(Never mind how I know this.)

And best wishes to your son. I agree with what was said earlier-- he sounds like a cool kid.

You yourself are a pagan tax collector?

(Either that, or you are a door-to-door proselytizer who has been driving pagan tax collectors into madness . . . )