Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Epic Toilet trainging fail & preschool

DS has been asking to go to school lately. I think he's getting it from the Berenstain Bears. He's been asking for homework and stuff. Anyway. So. He's been nearly toilet trained for 2 years. Yes, honestly two years, he had successful diaper-free periods before he turned one.

So I told him "I heard you have to be toilet trained before you start school."

Then his dad, completely seperately, told him the two things he needs to work on before he can start school are diapers and articulation.

The next day he asked for underwear, and, thinking nothing of it, we dressed him in underwear. He did really well, we were out all day, at a playgroup, and then a museum. Dry untill 5pm, and then it was a tiny itsy bitsy accident followed by the rest of it making it into the toilet. So I put fresh pants on him, and, the museum closed, we went home. He fell asleep on the way, which was WAAY to freakin' early, so I woke him up when we got home (like 10 minutes).

He appeared to be really, genuinely sick, so we started bedtime early. I though maybe he had an ear infection. Eventually he sobbed out a story about having a bug in his ear. But that happened to ME, not him, and it was a long time ago (though he's heard it many times, 6000 of my closest friends still tease me about the screaming, and it must have made an impression on him at the time.) Ok, I checked his ear, no bug.

But the "scared" part was evidently true, so I let him sleep with me over night, and it became clear that he's so deeply desirous of going to school next September that he stressed himself to the gills (complete with physicalizing) over toilet training. Thanks to a couple of off-hand comments neither of us thought twice about. Today, I insisted on diapers, explained that he's actually well enough toilet trained for half-day kindergarden, and after an inital argument, we had a lovely, stress-free day.

He is NOT going next sept.
& This is the *second* time we've traumatized him over toilet training.

I give up. On parenting. I'm a total looser. (no, I don't mean that. just... ARG)

What do you do with a kid who wants to go to school that much at 2? Preshool? Or would that make it worse? He's randomly learned his alphabet this week, and he has most of the K content, maybe all of it... Preschool wouldn't be what he's thinking it is.

-Mich

On toilet training:
I personally think it's more confusing for the kids to go back and forth. If he is asking for underwear, put him in then do not make a big deal out of it if he has an accident. Keep him in underwear no matter what (since that is what he wants anyway). DD (25mo) still wears a diaper at night but often refuses at naps. Our deal is that if she goes before the nap she doesn't have to. For nights I still make her because she is in a crib and I would think it would be horrible to have to go and not have any access to the bathroom (assuming she even woke up when she had to go which is doubtful in itself).

Preschool:
Is there a local preschool you have a connection to? Do you have an older child goes, or a close friend's kid, siblings kid? If so, I would see if your son could go to a "trial day" to see if it is everything he thinks it will be.

I would leave him in undies now with no fuss if there are accidents. Just keep nappies for sleeping. DS wa toilet trained just before 2 but now at 4 is dry atnight and going without nappies. You can always play "school" at home. DS wants to go to school too

Time to start homeschooling. Post a note at the library if and other parents want to start a co op with you. Sit down with you child and take notes about what he thinks happens at school. Another possibility to to invite some older kids to have a homework club at your house.

As for parenting ....it is normal to make lots of miscalculations. That is how you get more data. Your kid looked ready before the experience but doesn't look ready now. See?
G

My oldest decided she would no longer wear diapers the day we moved into our new house. She was around 1 & 1/2, and I was sooooo not ready to deal with it. But she only had a few accidents and was out of diapers at night by the time she was 2. By contrast, the youngest was 3 1/2 and refused to go in the toilet. I finally used one of my older kids Star Wars video games as bribery - go in the toilet, play the game. It worked.

The point is that kids are all so unique - ours are often even more unique - and there is no manual. It's all trial and error. If she wants to wear panties, let her - but also be prepared to start scoping out public bathrooms wherever you go and making sure she goes every couple of hours while you're out. Let her be in the driver's seat on this one. If she's not ready, put her in pull-ups (they still make those, right?).

But don't make it tied to school. Then the two get mixed up in her head. Are there play groups, etc. that will meet the socializing aspects? I found the longer pre-schools were a terrible match for my kids, so we went to library story-time, checked out books and came home and "played school" a lot. We went to museums, etc. where my kids weren't horribly bored and could learn and ask questions at their pace. And we used Living Books on the computer.

But dont beat yourself up. We all qualify for mom-of-the-year some days and then think we've colossally blown it on others.

Here is to wishing that this will be your worst parenting mistake ever with this child .

More seriously, have you tried to figure out what, exactly, he thinks will happen in preschool? I am pretty sure that it is not (unfortunately) what he expects. More social interactions? More academic/facts based work? Another completely different thing he latched on from his reading? Then you can try figuring out how to get there... with or without an actual preschool environment involved.

He thinks he will learn to drive, amongst other things

Those big earth-drills, specifically.



He gets that there are academics, as well, but to him that means astronomy and engineering.



I feel like I'm totally screwed. I have no idea how to get him to believe me about what's part of the curriculum and what isn't. And I really didn't realize until the underwear debacle how genuinely he WANTS to be in school.

ARG.

-Mich

He sounds adorable. Hide your car keys. (seriously)

Why not drop in to a preschool so he can visit and see what it's like. Some schools have a short 1.5 hour introductory 1 day school for 2 year olds.

ETA: I have a friend who decided to take his father's car out for a spin. Thankfully he didn't get farther than the end of the driveway. He was 3. And yes, he's gifted.