Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Do You Brag (Or Do Your Friends Think You Do?)

To that point. You can decide to never set foot on a football field again. Football is over.... Can't do that to your IQ, it's alway there. You can't shut off your head.

Well.  Anyone talking to me is going those stories if I say anything at all.  I'm a SAHM with a comfortably boring life.  If I tell you what my kid's learning lately it's not because I'm living through my kid, it is because I am living with my kid.  We watch t.v., play board games, walk/bike to the post office & the library on schedule, 3 meals a day on schedule, kids in bed at 8:30.  If I want to tell you what we've been doing lately then what the boy's studying is the only new thing that's happening.  (unless I just painted a mural on the mirror or something).  It's actually what we've been doing this week.    Everything runs on schedule. Grass is growing.

I do have a brag blog, but it really started because I was reading about academic portfolio's a long time ago and what I read was that it was good to make a portfolio that chronicled the pace of your kids educational development in case you end up talking to any kind of educational consultant they can easily look at your kids development.  I just like my electronic portfolio.  Yeah, I share it sometimes.
On the last part, about giftedness itself.  My gramma said if you ever do talk about iqs say a different # because most people don't go over a certain #.  (sadly I heard that advice too late.  I could have used it as a new mother looking to join a certain gifted parent forum-ouch).   Conversely, the hubby calls me out on changing the way I talk around other people.  What's the difference?  I haven't seen anybody that needs me to be as smart as I can be, or really has any use or need for it.  Really the only ones who need to know have often told me spontaneously, "I know you're really smart because I'm really smart".  Nowadays some people tell me my kid's really smart and I say, "Yup."


That's why I'm excited that my kids will likely go to gifted kids things when they're older.  It's like, yeah, if it doesn't really matter then why do other people act like it does.  If it does matter then who should it matter to?  With "their" logic (the famous non-existant they) Giftedness is only supposed to matter to people who were born without the giftedness.  It should not be know about by the gifted themselves, or acknowledged to their neighbors.  But it it must never be hidden and should be used for some legitimate purpose.  

Someone in that first gifted parenting forum accused me of having a "giftedness fetish" (for putting a gifted label on baby too young).  I actually ask myself if it's sheltering or bizarre that I consider a gifted forum group to be some good friends.  I just posted some stuff on another forum (not the well trained mind) because the subject of education came up.  Someone said "all homeschoolers are racists whites" in response to someone considering homeschooling.  I made a couple pages of informative and funny posts refuting the nonsense.  I got the feeling my posts were way too long for the viewers to read, and I edited them and was concise.  They were shorter than my posts here.  I didn't get much of a conversation and out of the useful information I shared (i offered reality and resources, not arguments) the closest I got to a conversation was somebody saying, "we get it.  You're a good writer".   Here if I've got good information people use it, and I get good information here.  Is it so wrong to like that?

I read the article this thread's about.  Hoagie's posted it on Facebook.  The article didn't really seem that original.  

Val, I quoted your post because I always do talk about my kid's latest accomplishments, the relevant part to whoever I'm updating, friends, families, neighbors..and I do have a mommy brag blog with real pictures.  I post most of the pics here too so y'all don't have to look @ my blog since I don't really talk on it so much, it's more of a record.  I do most of my talking here.

Hope this post doesn't seem like I'm at a lost for what to do about it.  I don't feel that way.  I'm just pointing out the irony. Also, I'm worrying about the guidelines if the style of my long conversational posts is considered "on topic" and not violating the "no journaling" rule.

I keep coming back here because of the conversations on here. Technically I don't even have a great reason to be here, but I just love discussing all the topics. Everyone actually does research and thinks deeply.

I don't mind all the long-winded posts (I can't, since I am always writing so many), but I read well. It isn't really a chore. (Ok, I actually like all the long posts and like when things stray off-topic because we've found something else interesting to analyze.)

Although I do agree that certain online information may be uncomfortable for the child later, I think blogging about a child is different than bragging (or perceived bragging) face-to-face. If someone finds a blog annoying/threatening/boring/whatever, they can just stop reading, but having to put up with someone in real life is trickier. IMO, much of the differentiation between perceived bragging or matter-of-fact sharing depends on the history of the listener and his/her insecurities.

I see your point about sharing with family/close friends, but I guess my point is that you may have set out to share with just these people, but you're probably sharing with many others. A blog is public. Anyone can read it --- and that includes the people you said you can't talk to in real life.

There are apps with privacy settings out there (e.g. Facebook) that only let certain people in. Why choose a public blog over something with privacy settings? Or email? Etc. There are so many options.

Your daughter is very young and has no idea about how cruel people can be. Sure, she may think it's nice for you to put her pictures, etc. up for grandmother to see, but I doubt that she understands that anyone on the planet with an internet connection can also see that stuff, and that there are real consequences of that fact. What if people you or she knows read your blog and someone starts to tease her? Thanks to apps like the Wayback Machine, nothing on the internet goes away. Do you really want to risk the possibility that private stuff about her will surface when she's ten or eleven? I would have been mortified if my LOG or anything private about me was publicly available for anyone to read --- and I had no control over it.

You said you can't say things about her to people around you, but if you're using real names, what's to stop these folks from reading the blog too? How might they react to it? What if people around town start talking about her/you? IMO, your artwork and life in Alaska are different from private information about your daughter's cognitive abilities.

I feel the same way about Joyce Slaton's blog. Use it as an example: that entry she wrote is going viral among a number of gifted groups, and now lots and lots of people know that she's disappointed about one pretty big thing about her (named) child. There's a high chance that this will get back to her daughter eventually. She revealed private information about her daughter to anyone in the world, and the little girl is the one who's going to have to live it down.

What if the I'm-tired-of-hearing-about-your-gifted-kid-types find your blog and make it go viral as an example of a bragging mom who wants to show everyone that her kid is better than theirs?

Public blogging about a child's giftedness (or lack thereof) may not seem negative to the writer, but the invasion of privacy and resultant damage are all in the eye of the person who was written about. And who now has no way to put the genie back in the bottle.

Just my 2c.

Which is why this forum is the only public place on the web where I post under a non-trivially decoded alias.

Although... I know that after spending a while in a forum I can start identifying quite a few writers by voice alone. I wonder when that ability will be 1) automated and 2) widely available.

It already is but no one has bothered to do it in these settings. There are a ton of programs which analyze text, tone and voice.

DeHe

Or at least, if they have, they haven't publicised the fact... < spooky music >

I agree with this; we try to be careful about identifying information.

The line between "just telling it like it is" and bragging depends on the context. In general, we avoid the topic of giftedness with other parents, because it nearly always comes across very poorly. I don't think this is "hiding" abilities: I think this is basic discretion.

DeeDee

I agree re: identifying info and discretion. Obvious or implied pride + statements about kiddos' advancement tend to be a grating combo for many parents.