Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Sweet Talking/White Lies

Not sure if it is related to giftedness, but hopefully, someone can shed some lights.

DS3 is probably on par in terms of language articulation, but he is pretty skillful at sweet talking/telling white lies.

Some examples:

� He misbehaved and hurt himself earlier in the day. I asked him later on how he got hurt, he gave me an ingenuine laugh. When pressed further, he told me to not get mad at him and he is a good boy. Never did he answer my question of how he got hurt.
� When he wants to do something that I am unapproved of, he usually tells me to go to sleep/eat/check on DD because she is crying (a lie).
� We went to a Mexican restaurant over the weekend. The server was speaking Spanish to him, which he doesn�t understand. He gave the server an ingenuine smile.

Obviously, we are unapproved of any lies (white lies or otherwise). Also DH and I are pretty down-to-earth, so we are somewhat taken back by how DS is acting at 3.

I noticed I am just babbling�

hmmm, sounds familiar-
so, example #1- he wanted to avoid embarrassment vs. punishment?
#2 he's crafty- I've got one of those - fun isn't it?
#3 well,...he's observant of linguistic differences? My then 3 yo son was talking with a newly married into our family Aunt who is bilingual and when she spoke Spanish to him, he asked her if she could speak Penguin too. LOL.

Oh my. Nick is really wily and crafty and can out-talk and out reason many adults. He argues a good point sometimes.

You are not alone...I'll babble along too...

I found this article to be really helpful: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/lying.html

It is really intended for parents of older children but it may give you some things to think about in the future.

Personally, I do not think it is a good idea to make a big deal out of the sorts of situations you are mentioning. His behavior in the first situation suggests it may be helpful to back off from discussions of being a good or bad boy and just to focus instead on telling him more specifically what you want from him. When situations are set up that kids anticipate punishment they are more likely to lie.

As far as the last situation, I would see that just as social politeness. We often smile when don't want to be rude and we are trying to negotiate a situation in a way that won't hurt another people's feelings. If anything I would praise his behavior as attempting to be considerate.

Not sure even though I did not punish him earlier since he got hurt


It was cute when he was doing it at 2. It got me worried what kind of lies will he be telling at 10? 20?


Like passthepotatoes wrote above, I think he was trying to be polite.


Glad that I am not alone

Our DD6 went through the phase of experimenting with lying, and we haven't caught her in a lie in ages, so I guess what we did worked in her case (or she's just gotten better/more selective about it). Here are some ways we attacked the problem:

- Told the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" whenever she was caught in a lie. I'm not sure how the classic version ends, but in ours, the boy was eaten. The message was that she needs people to believe her, and she won't be believed if she keeps telling lies. I'd also explain how trust is hard to gain and easy to lose.

- Double-checked everything she said while she was having that phase. This sent two messages... the first being that it's not worth it to try to lie, because she's going to get caught. And the second is for her to experience what it's like to be distrusted. So for example, if she'd been across the street at her friend's house, and she came home asking for junk food, I'd ask her what she'd eaten across the street... and then I'd call the parents.

- Mitigated/eliminated punishments when she told the truth. This emphasized the positive value of being honest. So if something was spilled or broken, hey, accidents happen, we'll help you clean it up. Just don't lie about it or cover it up, because that gets a punishment.