Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Ripping my heart out...

Epoh, you may want to read up on positive behavior plans. I.e., rather than punishing negative behavior exclusively, they should be noting and rewarding positive behavior. Ideally for the whole class, not just for your DS, but if he needs extra feedback, he should get it, and not only in a negative way.

Our best teacher ever gave "thank you tickets" to any kid in the class who she caught doing the right thing... The ticket was entered into a prize drawing, but the main thing was that she was calling attention to the correct behavior all the time by doling out the tickets. It was extremely motivating.

We have found that punitive measures have made things worse for our DS-- the more anxious he got about the possibility of being punished, the worse his behavior got (because he couldn't control the anxiety). It was a negative spiral. He has done best with gentle correction and positive reinforcement.

DeeDee

Epoh,

I admit that I didn't read through everyones responses so if someone has already brought this up, excuse the echo.

DS6 started K last year and it was a disaster. Serious overloads! He got sent home at least twice a week and was in the principals office every single day. He had fits of rage and god help whoever was standing in his way when he went off! He threw furniture, ripped everything off the walls, hit people, would just lose it. Then came a magic pony.....

He started Hippa (equestrian) therapy at the recommendation of a friend. Two days a week, every week for 4 months, then down to once a week. Within two weeks of starting, Ds was a different kid. He stopped exploding at school. Just stopped. In the last 9 weeks, he went to the principals office twice. No more picking him up because of behavior. It was like magic.

Fast forward to today. He is in first grade, get good citizen awards every week, is the top of his class and hasn't graced the principals office, not once. He has friends now.

Even as he was going to therapy and I had the process explained to me, I still don't really understand. But what I do know is that putting my son on a horse quieted the chaos inside him. It balances their nervous system somehow. I would see if it is available anywhere near you and give it a try. For us, it truly was the silver bullet, that magic pony....

Thanks for the replies.

DeeDee -i know they do some positive reinforcement - he's come home with notes saying he had a great day, or that a paper he wrote was good, or his artwork got hung up. I am not sure if the small stuff is being handled that way on a regular basis.

Shari- that is something to look into. There are like 3 horse ranches right near us that do riding lessons. No idea how much they cost.

One more thing-- if it's a frustration tolerance issue, they should be positively reinforcing every single time he manages frustration without flipping out. That's how you'll see a change the fastest.

Of course, it would also be helpful to know the antecedents of the blowups. What situations cause them? Are there ways of acclimating him to those situations (we are big on role play) to make them less of a big deal for him?

DS hated writing in his planner; it made him anxious. We practiced it at home a few times; he just had to copy whatever I wrote into the planner. The teachers are also aware and positively reinforcing when he does it correctly. We saw much better success after that: he knows what he's to do, he's practiced, and he knows there's a payoff for success. You can teach almost any behavior this way...

DeeDee

The things that set him off are varied... but they can basically be boiled down to anything he perceives to be "unfair," and when he gets overwhelmed. The "unfair" stuff is the normal stuff you expect to see with a bunch of 7/8yr olds - so and so wasn't taking turns, tommy cut in line, suzy made a face at me, etc. These sorts of triggers have been getting a little better, but I think they are still effecting his frustration level. The overwhelmed part is I think what's triggering him more lately. The mere idea of a test can set him to crying. A test on material he's known how to do for over a year, mind you. But in his head he thinks these over-the-top things might happen that will cause him to fail. We've been discussing this sort of thing at home a lot, but I don't know if it's helping much.

I plan on talking to his psychiatrist again soon. He's got him on two meds - one for ADHD (concerta) and one for what the dr called "mood disorder" which I believe was him just not wanting to tell us he thinks bi-polar (trileptal). Personally, I more and more disbelieve a bi-polar diagnosis. I think ADHD + anxiety is the primary problem.

Epoh, not to repeat myself, but I still think that you should see a specialist who can rule in or out autism spectrum disorders. That fair/unfair thinking, the anxiety, and the catastrophizing (unrealistic thinking about possible negative outcomes of a test, for instance) are pretty classic ASD issues. FWIW that collection of symptoms doesn't sound like bipolar to me either, though of course from this distance I can't tell you much.

You can do a lot to work through anxiety using CBT methods. Martin Seligman's "learned optimism" strategies do really help with thinking your way out of anxiety, and can be taught to a child your DS's age. A CBT practitioner will have more strategies too.

You can work through social situations the same way, focusing on likely outcomes and possible choices your DS could make. ("if tommy cuts in line, what's likely to happen if I make X choice to respond to that? what happens if I make Y choice? Which choice is better?") Sometimes it's hard to learn to accept the unfair and not make a big deal about it; but it can be learned.

HTH
DeeDee

Thanks DeeDee. Parts of his behavior do come off like ASD, but so much of his personality seems to completely rule it out as well. He does not have any problem decoding facial expressions, sensing emotion in people's tone of voice. He doesn't have any problem talking about how he's feeling and expressing himself after the fact. I guess I need to read more on it.