Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How to extricate myself.

I'm wondering what about the situation is getting to you the most. That might help you figure out how to approach it. For instance, if it is just that her interest in the topic exceeds yours, I think that it is fine to tell her that.

If, on the other hand, the major issue is that you think that she is wrong in her assessement of her child (it sounds like that is part of the problem for you), there is no nice way to say that and referring her to a tester is a reasonable place to start.

I've run into a parent in the past whose assessment of her children (who admitedly are GT ided) is somewhat inflated IMHO. In thinking about it, what really made that relationship and those conversations hard for me was not solely my pet peeve about overidentification but that there was an inherent competition going in a lot of the conversations along the lines of 'my dc is reading at x level, what level is your dc reading at?'

I think that, as you said, when you have a child who is a bit of a different animal than the typical GT ided kid in your area, it is hard to have constant conversations in which you genuinely discuss different things and in your heart and words present and feel that they are the same.

Is this mom implicitly asking you to assume that you two are dealing with similar needs? Is that a problem for you if so?

Word.

When I first realized that my DS was of a "different stripe" I was relentless in my pursuit of answers and information. I lived on Hoagies, on here, on the Davidson site. I get it, I understand her need for answers.

What I don't understand is why she is not taking the info i've given her and move on, find the answers she needs. In some ways I feel like i'm her bragging post. She wants me to validate her son in some way. I can't do that, i'm no expert and even in YS circles everybody is different. Some PG'lets stick out like a sore thumb (mine) and some don't. I can't look her in the eye and tell her that her son is YS material and I think that is exactly what she is looking for.

I do find it odd that she is planning to move her family to Reno when the child is 5 and hasn't been tested. Next time she waylays me I will talk to her again about testing and she if she hears me this time.

Hi Shari, good to see you around here again! Maybe the mom will ease up if you explain what you wrote, letting her know that you can relate to her need for knowledge, but then let her know that now that you are at a different stage of this journey, your interest has moved on. Apologize that you don't have the same zeal for these discussions, but that if she goes to [recommended GT psychologist] for testing, then she'll likely get many more resources and hopefully some more contacts of families in similar positions. (I know that the psychologist who tested my son had a list of parents willing to talk BTDT with newly ID's gifties.)

If that doesn't work, or if the advice of others here doesn't work, sometimes you just have to be very blunt and end the relationship, especially if it is causing undue stress.

good luck!

Hi SPG! Too long, I know....

Thanks! I know, I hate being blunt but it might come to that.

I'm intense...and it can be hard to find someone to talk to these things about...especially at our old school, where it really seemed anti GT...

but, even AFTER the school's testing and identification and seeing no change for my DD, the FIRST thing I did was question the school's assesment and get her privately evaluated. Even then, I don't have a firm answer, but I do have some indications.

We'll apply to DYS and maybe you should suggest her to do the same. Then she would HAVE to have the testing done and if the child qualifies, she will get an advocate, right? two birds, one stone...

honestly, what kind of person would move to be near a program you don't know for sure the kid can get into?

You? Intense? Really? In all honesty though if it weren't for 2giftgirls I would have gone insane while we were at the public school. No other parent got my kid except her. Parents who were encouraging other parents to have their kids tested then negated the label GT because theire kids didn't test into it.

That all being said, I think that you just need to try and gently be honest with her. Tell her you appreciate her passion and all that but that she of all people should understand that you need to focus on your child and encourage her to get her testing done. Especially before planning this move to Reno so many years in advance.

HAHAHA

If only she used any of the resources I've suggested!

Lol
Exactly what I was thinking.