Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Behavior Issues in 3-year-old

This is a great discussion!

Sydness - thank you so much for your detailed description and explanation. It really helped to understand the teacher's intended role as a guide, and that does make sense. As I thought about what I saw and framed it in the context you described, it really didn't seem like such a negative interaction after all.

Here is the good news... my son LOVED it. When I went to pick him up, the teacher brought him out (the one I talked about before) and you could really tell they had connected. My son, who was very shy and quiet at the other school, was talking on and on and on about his morning. He was THRILLED. The teacher told me she was very surprised that he knew letters, phonics, high math skills, etc. and said she could tell he needed to be kept busy and challenged to keep him happy in the classroom. There were zero behavior issues, which she attributed to allowing him to pick challenging tasks and keeping him moving and interested. It's amazing how much better this teacher knows my son after just a couple of hours than his previous school ever did.

Time will tell how his behavior issues will pan out. Once he gets comfortable in the classroom, things could change (for better or for worse), but at least his first morning was a huge success.

Oh, and my daughter really loved her morning too. Apparently it was quickly evident that she can read a lot of sight words and is great at counting things. So her teacher was pretty shocked, but was being really cool about it and not getting hung up on it. She didn't make it feel like my daughter was some sort of side show. So I was really pleased with the pre-primary teacher too.

Does anyone know of a good Montesorri book that is directed at parents? I'd love to just understand what happens in the classroom a bit better - you know, learn the lingo and whatnot.

So I'm confused - do you want to encourage your child to continue to be the class clown?

I'm not into humorlessness for the sake of humorlessness, but if this teacher can send a message of seriousness in a resptectful way, I think any child could learn a lot from that. I don't think you have to worry about your child being squelched by being exposed to this seriousness and respect a few hours a day. I think worrying about will my child be given enough of a rich alternative to class clown is a better focus. So kids really need clear boundries. The fact that she ignored his 'It's a joke' comment is a sign, to me, that she isn't out to get him, but that she expects to keep rewarding his serious behavior and unreinforcing his disrespectful behavior. A lot of teachers would have done a lot worse. Even with a 3 year old. Trust me - I've lived this.

If he wilts, you'll see it, and then you will have to move on, but do try and give it a chance. If he is able to rise to the occasion he will gain a lot.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

sweetpeas, that is great that your kids enjoyed it! I hope that it continues to work out.

Sydness, thank you for responding to my questions. I am just trying to understand how it all works and whether it would work well for my ds. The issues I have, I guess, are that the teacher does not encourage play. I guess, I take a more "learning through play" kind of approach (at least for preschool) and that does not appear to be the case for Montessori. I love the idea that the activities should be child-led, but it seems like only certain kinds of child-led activities are acceptable? And I don't know that I believe learning necessarily needs to be a serious endeavor all the time.

And regarding social interaction with the teacher, I think they could definitely provide guidance as well as interaction, particularly when the class size is very small. So, for example, if my son gets really excited about a project or topic and wants to have a discussion with the teacher about it, will she/he engage with him, encourage and respond to his enthusiasm, and guide him to additional resources?

I guess I am just a little confused because the descriptions above seem overly structured to me, but this doesn't seem to mesh with the child-led philosophy. So, in sweetpeas example, I guess I would have liked to see the teacher smile and acknowledge the joke and then say something like, "you're right it does look like a necklace, but let me show you the really cool things you can do with them in this class!"

I remember when I visited the school, the director said Montessori is not for everyone. I guess it is still all about finding the right fit for your individual child. I just wish there was some kind of list I could get that would just tell me which ones would work for him! I am not satisfied with his public school experience either.

Okay, so, in a Montessori classroom, children are not praised for learning. They are not praised for being smart. They are never rewarded for seeking a teacher's aproval...

They are learning for learning sake. Small children like to learn. Their reward is knowing something they didn't know before. They are discovering without the presure of adult expecations. They will find what they like to learn about that way.

I remember once, my husband told the teacher at conferences that dd then 4 really seemed to like bird watching. She had memorized a lot of the names of birds and knows their call. She asked if someone in the family was exposing her to it.

Yes, her grandfather. She replied, "Well, sometimes children really enjoy doing an activity with a family member and take on a passion for the things that the other person likes, but she most likely is not interested in birds."

I was so offended. But ...ya know? She was right. My daughter couldn't care less about birds. She cared about the connection she was making with her grandfather.

Not to say that ALL things that children are interested in are because of presure for adults, but a Montessori teacher is trained to see why a child choses what he or she choses. She can tell if a child has an interest.

She told me that my dd was talented in Art. I was so disappointed. She was doing multiplication in Kindergarten, guided by the teacher, but I wasn't told she was advanced in Math. She was attending writing with the first graders, but I wasn't told her was advanced in Writing....Just Art.

That was weird to me. BUT my daughter spent hours of time in her classroom, with NO rewards, no hanging up of pictures...no coments about how wonderful her work was...nothing from any adult...and still chose to draw. And to draw wonderfully and creatively and be so engaged in drawing that it was obvious to label her as a gifted artist.

She is obviously gifted in Math and Language Arts as well. But she has been asked to study these subjects. She was never asked to draw.

Anyway, not having adult feedback in a Montessori school works...it is not competative like other schools. No student will be 'noticed' or not. The children have NO presure to perform. When they decide to perform, they do amazing things.

I think the people Montessori is not for...the children who have already decided that they need approval...

The child who needs to be noticed. I actually think Montessori is for them too, but it might take longer to get to the learning process. But I'm sure this type of child would learn to love learning like the rest of them.

Yes, there are things that are 'child led' that are not allowed. But for 3 hours a day, a child should be able to use material as they were ment to be used.

I AM concerned about the small class size....For a true Montessori approach to work, at least 20 kids are best...30 in the higher grades.

In 1st and 2nd grade my dd had 30 kids with a head teacher and 2 assistants....

Good luck with your decisions...!

For pre-school it would be a no-brainer...DO IT! You can re-evaluate in Kindergarten...

We ran into problems in 2nd...I wanted my daughter to start being competative, she was just too happy in her little Montessori world...:) I do miss it now...though...

She is back to being a people pleaser, worried about losing a pencil and getting a mark on her card...she is worried about not being at the top of the class, worried about selling the most magazines and worried about what she wears...There has to be a happy balance somewhere! But for pre-school! I would say - Best Thing I EVER DID FOR MY KIDS!

Ok, I get it now I think. Thanks for all the explanations, Sydness, they were really helpful. I agree, I wish we could just find that happy medium!

Thanks Sydness! I really appreciate your willingness to explain your experience for those of us making preschool decisions in the coming months.

Thanks Sydness!

I have heard that Montessori are great for preschool & K, but transition to regular classroom could be difficult.

We don't have any Montessori grade schools around here. DS3 is pretty reluctant to changes in general, so I am kind of worried about the transition.

Also DS is very reserved, would the child-led approach be better/worse than the more traditional one?

People love to use that line.

The only trouble that we had transitioning either of my two girls were:
1) They were ahead of the class they entered. Way ahead, but since Montessori is about YOUR child, not how they stack up against others, I was blissfully unaware just how far ahead they were.

2) Their expectations of their teachers was too high. The new schools just couldn't match the deep respect Montessori teachers have for their students.

I would agree with this.

Although we have not experienced the transition yet (dd is in 5th currently) my local friends who have said it was smooth. The kids from Montessori do just fine socially and academically tend to be at the top of their class. The only drawback is that they are not challenged enough here (there is really only one local ps option).

Re: an earlier post about executive function, imo this is one of the other great attributes of my daughter's experience. She has taken a great deal of responsibility for her own learning, she has the freedom to choose in what order to do her work and how deeply to delve into it. While I think she would be fairly responsible regardless, the opportunity to learn these skills at a young age is priceless. I on the other hand, got used to being told what to do and when to do it, whether it was challenging or not, and typically work that was not my best earned high grades anyway. I believe I would have benefitted greatly by being in an environment like the one at my childrens' Montessori school.

I haven't read thru the entire thread yet, I on they way out, but
I just had to say I'll be there too! in response to the following comment,

Best Wishes,
(Heaven reserves a special place for moms of kids who are 'preschool behavior problems!' I'll see you there when the time comes, ok?)

that is just sooooooo funny!
babr