I'm feeling a little awkward...

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I'm feeling a little awkward... #11270 03/11/08 11:59 PM
Joined: May 2007 Posts: 1,783 West coast, USA Cathy A OP Member
OP Cathy A Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 1,783 West coast, USA	Well, I volunteered in DS' first grade class for the first time today and did a math lab. Everything went well. The awkward part is that I recognized one of the kids there from DS' Kindergarten class last year. I have alluded to some unpleasantness there before, but I don't think I ever posted the details here. You may have read them on the GT-FAMILIES list last June. Anyway, the boy I recognized is one of the ones whose family was involved in excluding DS from the end-of-year celebration. Here's the letter that I found in DS' cubby last June: (K is the boy who is in his new first grade class this year.) Quote Dear "{DS' name}'s Parents", My name is J. I'm G's father. I'm not sure if you know G. I know I've never met {DS}. G and K {G's friend} have been attending {The School} since 2001, starting as babies just after the school opened. They've been here longer than any {School} employee. B and N {other friends} started just a year or so later. This Friday marks a completion for them--for G and K more so than the others. G and K will be the first children to complete a full course at this school. As tradition dictates, we mark that completion with a ceremony, including ceremonial garb and a certificate. We do that to indicate and savor the accomplishment. We give the children a sense of achievement to carry with them in their new beginning as First Graders. We in turn are rewarded with a pride different from all the other feelings of pride we've felt for our child. This completion marks the beginning of our pride in watching our child become an adult. My son tells me {DS} will participate in the ceremony, but will not really graduate because he's really just visiting Kindergarten. He wonders if that is right--and so do I. Several of the kindergarten parents have asked themselves and each other the same question. The children know that {DS} in not really in their class. They know he won't really be in kindergarten until next year. They know he hasn't accomplished everything that they have. They know that when he participates in their graduation it will be pretend. I would like you to know that your charade trivializes not only by child's accomplishment or the other kindergartener's, but yours as well--next year, when the accomplishment will be real. I began this letter with the intent to threaten and coerce you into doing what I think is right, but now I realize that perhaps you just didn't know there's really more to this ceremony than just dressing up. Perhaps you didn't know that it had meaning for all of US. I respectfully ask you to consider what this moment really means to you and your son. I ask you to weigh that value against tainting OUR children's graduation. I ask you simply to understand that you will be demonstrating reward for cheating to the entire 2007 kindergarten class by having your child participate in this graduation ceremony without basis. I am asking you not to do that. Sincerely, J We did not attend the "graduation." I was hoping to never see any of these people again... Now K is in DS' class again!? What next... Cathy

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... Dottie #11274 03/12/08 03:23 AM
Joined: Dec 2005 Posts: 7,207 Connecticut Grinity Member
Grinity Member Joined: Dec 2005 Posts: 7,207 Connecticut	Hi Cathy ((Hugs)) that is so sad! I can't believe that anyone would lose perspective to the point where they think that 'graduation' from Kindergarden is a proud accomplishment. I'll bet the part about 'and everyone else things so too' is a total fabrication. And the idea that your son would 'achieve' the honor of graduation through cheating: Bizzare! Anyway - Here are the options: A pretend that the letter was never recieved and that you just happened to be busy the day of graduation. In future if any such stuff comes your way, respond: "I know that a fellow as caring and sensitive as yourself will understand will understand that every child deserves to learn where they learn best, and for my son, at this moment, that is in your son's class. Practice in front of a mirror and with friends until you can do this smoothly. B show the school staff. likely they will tell you that the fellow is odd and acts like this all over the place C have a backup plan, keep your eyes out for a new school, or a new grade, etc. D get friendly a few of the nicer parents at the school, who can do your PR for you. Obviously this fellow cares about 'what everyone else' is saying. E Journal about what this reminds you of in your own growing up experience. Almost everyone has an older sibling, cousin or an aquaintance who tried to exclude them on some pretext at some point in their life. The key confusion towards children is a disrespect that comes at them from the adult world, and in then re-broadcast from one child to another. Children are given to understand that 'little' is bad and powerless, and that if they cooperate and wait, someday they will be the 'big' one who is good and important. DS11 was talking about it the other day in terms of all the pep talks the teachers at school gave about the glories of life in the upper grades. ((Hugs)) I'm so sorry that you got that weird letter! Grinity Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... Dottie #11278 03/12/08 04:35 AM
Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 830 OHGrandma Member
OHGrandma Member Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 830	Originally Posted by Dottie Thanks Grinity! I came back to try a rational response, but was having trouble getting past... 1. This was kindergarten 2. He thought these things 3. He wrote these things 4. He wrote so many things . . . Again...flabbergasted! I would probably totally ignore him, very obviously. He's not quite right in the head. I feel sorry for his kid. Dottie, you forgot one more... He wrote those things! I haven't seen any woman on this board like this, but I've had way too much contact with super b*****y women in their late teens/early 20's, not by choice but by necessity. This 'man' sounds like that kind. Maybe he should be on Springer! Cathy, the only person who should feel awkward is the person who wrote that note. Ignore it, and take pride in your child's accomplishment.

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... OHGrandma #11279 03/12/08 04:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 778 Midwest D delbows Member
delbows Member D Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 778 Midwest	MAYBE YOU SHOULD POST IT ON THE 1ST GRADE CLASSROOM DOOR! Sorry, I don�t mean to be trite, but don�t know what to say either. Unfortunately, I have heard this type of comment (and worse) from other parents at the school regarding early entrance and acceleration, but nothing //signed// and in writing. How much social clout does this guy have?

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... Dottie #11282 03/12/08 05:31 AM
Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 970 New England Lorel Member
Lorel Member Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 970 New England	That was so far out of line, I don't know where to begin! Did you ever notify school administration? I am wondering how they did/would react. Did your son get skipped into k? When did that happen- was it very close to "graduation"? I am trying like mad to come up with some scenario that doesn't make this guy out to be a nutter, but I really am not having much luck. I like that way he says he was going to threaten and coerce, but he changed his mind. As if that letter isn't threatening! I might even have brought it to the police. A restraining order would be a nice touch. hugs to Cathy, and I hope that meddlesome Dad is done causing trouble. Please don't let people like this dictate what your son does.

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... Lorel #11284 03/12/08 06:46 AM
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 6,145 Midwest Kriston Member
Kriston Member Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 6,145 Midwest	Ugh. That's all I've got, really. Ugh. The guy is a jerk, clearly. I'm with delbows: I probably would have posted it on the classroom door. If the other parents agree with what he says (fat chance!), then no harm done, right? If not, the hue and cry would have been very fulfilling! But then, I'm no diplomat in these matters. I can't stand bullies, and that's what this guy is. This is the new skip, right? That you just got? Just want to make sure that I'm not steering you wrong. If I'm remembering wrongly and this skip happened at the start of the year, then please disregard the following... The question of the dad's social clout is the big issue, I think. Is he likely to have the means and/or the opportunity to make trouble for you this year? If not, then hold your head up and smile charmingly at him when you see him. He'll hate that! You and your child have every right to be in that classroom. Don't let this nutter poison this well for you, too. He doesn't have the right. If you think he can and potentially will make trouble, and if the teacher is sympathetic (as she seems to be, no?), then I think I would ask to meet with her, show her the letter, and then tell her as matter-of-factly as possible that there is an uncomfortable history between the two families, as evidenced by the letter, that you thought she should be aware of. Make it clear that you merely want her to know about the issue, not that you need to have any action taken. But that you hope that she'll be on the lookout for any otherwise unexpected problems. I'd end with expressing gratitude to her for welcoming your child so thoroughly into the class and tell her how happy your DS is there. Now, I'm really bad at this sort of thing. But that seems the prudent course of action to me. Whatever you decide to do, I think you can't let this rotten person ruin your DS's situation. Don't let your discomfort with this man or his child mess up what's working! A confident smile will take you a long way in this sort of situation. If necessary, fake it! He won't know the difference! {{Hugs}} Kriston

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... Cathy A #11286 03/12/08 07:19 AM
Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 175 P pinkpanther Member
pinkpanther Member P Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 175	I'm with Dottie--totally flabbergasted! I don't know what bothers me more--the fact that he said those things or that he thinks finishing kindergarten is such a huge accomplishment. The comment that really gets me is the one about teaching the kids it's okay to cheat. Come on! This is so ridiculous. I agree with the others. Post it on the door!

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... Cathy A #11288 03/12/08 07:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 533 Chicago, Illinois Mia Member
Mia Member Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 533 Chicago, Illinois	What a whack job. "As tradition dictates ..." -- what, that you be a snot? Tradition my foot, it's kindergarten! Unbelievable. I'm so sorry that you have to put up with this family again. Mia

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... Mia #11290 03/12/08 07:37 AM
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 6,145 Midwest Kriston Member
Kriston Member Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 6,145 Midwest	Originally Posted by Mia What a whack job. "As tradition dictates ..." -- what, that you be a snot? LOL! Well put, Mia! Kriston

Re: I'm feeling a little awkward... pinkpanther #11297 03/12/08 07:58 AM
Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 179 painting the dining room Ann Member
Ann Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 179 painting the dining room	Cathy you're a better person than I am. I worry what I might have done in this situation. Just thinking about it makes my head float and detach from my logical/rational self. The fiercely protective momma bear in me wants to find this guy's weak spot and attack it.

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