Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Social Norms

I agree. My husband is like this, but it is more than just verbal communication ability. When talking to different types of people he is able to talk like them and act like them. For example if he is talking to a farmer, he takes on a country accent and talks farm stuff and they think he is one of them. There have been times when he talked to lawyers that thought he was also a lawyer. Talking to college professors has never been a problem, like I have said before his whole family talks like college professors. Little kids love him because he can get down on their level and act like a kid. When he rides his motorcycle with the Patriot Guard Riders he looks and acts the part. This is where I think my son got his acting ability. When my son sees this, he teases his dad about it. He'll say something like "Another one your multiple personalities? You know some people would consider that a disorder."

I keep trying to get my son to do more things with the football obsessed kids his age, to try to fit in, but he says he doesn't enjoy being around people who consider his interests "gay." They have no trouble telling him this to his face in front of other kids.

I understand why my son feels this way but my husband doesn't because it was always so easy for him. He was a first sergeant in the army. He had no physical disabilities. He even played football in the army--so add talking like a football player and fitting in with them to his multiple personalities. Nobody ever called him or his interests gay. He was accepted, so I think it was very different for him.

I understand my son's difficulty fitting in. He doesn't fit in with the local football fans his age mentally because of the giftedness or physically because of the physical disability. I understand because I have trouble hanging out with the women I have met in our small town, who talk about shopping and vacations I can't afford, and television shows I don't watch. What do I get out of listening to them brag about their kids' ability in football and the nice things they just bought when I can't even talk about the things we are learning and doing, especially the musical theater. I don't fit in and it isn't fun for me to hang out with them.

The only people I fit in with are the other musical theater parents who tend to be teachers and professionals with an interest in the arts.

My son has lots of online friends who share his interests. He also has his musical theater friends so it isn't like he doesn't have friends so that probably makes him less willing to try to fit in with the football kids and play by social norms. He is continuing with mixed martial arts though. I think that is enough for him for now.

I only recently realized that social skills and recognizing social cues were an actual set of skills that could be learned.

That and the fact that learning something isn't supposed to be completely automatic. I think my next step will be figuring out how to apply myself to actually learn something. I grew up with the impression that significant intelligence = everything is incredibly easy.

And yes, you can get through college and law school without putting forth much in the way of effort, withdrawing from life, and being completely disorganized. The complete disorganization and social skills thingy (people? why do I need other people? what good can they possibly be?), however, will completely destroy you in the workplace.