I hope that everything my 13 year old son is going through is building character. My son has had to bounce back from a lot of setbacks because of a disability that affects him physically. He has gone through a lot of pain and worked really hard and has done better than I even thought he could. Six months ago he tried a night brace instead of the all day brace for his scoliosis that allowed him to try mixed martial arts. The instructor doesn't allow breaks in the one hour class. My husband told me not to watch but I did from outside where my son could not see me. My son had to keep up with people who don't have a disability. After the lesson he had to continue doing push ups until he could not do them any longer and only fell on his face each time, but he took it like a man. He didn't give up. He wants to go back. I think one of the reasons he likes this class is that he can talk about this with other boys who look down on his other interest--musical theater where he enjoys singing and acting. He doesn't mention that he is in musical theater to the people in his MMA class.
He seemed to develop so much confidence almost overnight when he didn't have to wear the day brace. His personality changed. He was much more social and he was enjoying life again. He got six months of an almost normal life.
Now we are preparing for another big setback. The nighttime only brace did not hold the curves. He will either have to go back to a full time brace or undergo a risky surgery with a high complication rate that would stop his growth and leave him at a height of 5'7". It could also leave him with more neurological issues. This fight will last for years since he is only 13.
Last week he managed to write an assigned paper on a Broadway musical for his musical theater class. He did it even though he had watched his grandmother die just days earlier, had gone to her funeral, had spent a lot of time with grieving family members, and his sister was staying with us. He remembered the paper and wanted to finish it. His musical theater teacher has taught her students that nobody really cares what you are going through when you are looking for a job. You still have to be able to do the job and act like everything is okay. The show must go on. I think it takes a certain level of maturity to be able to focus and keep doing what needs to be done despite all the difficulties.
My son finally got to meet his grandfather's brother who had some physical issues but became an engineer and a professor. He couldn't do a lot of physical work so he concentrated on academics which is what my son will have to do. But what if we can't afford to send him to college?
I think because of all the difficulties he has had to endure, my son is much more mature at 13 than I was. My life was too easy, nothing bad happened my entire childhood and when life got harder as an adult I had a harder time dealing with some things like fighting to get our insurance to approve my son's medical treatment the morning of my mother's funeral.
