Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional boo hoo hoo detention already....

Deacongirl, We've used From Emotions to Advocacy for years; it's a great book. Thanks for recommending Owning Up, also.

Sweetie: Every IEP meeting the administration talks about CARD and how they are involved with them, but I do not hear details about their training. Thanks for the reminder.

Bostonian: One episode of verbal taunting is free speech for sure. But it has been going on since the beginning of the year and turned into a group event directed at my son. Whether it can be called bullying or not doesn't matter. I'm glad we found out about it when we did so that we could "give our son permission" to leave that group and find somewhere else to have lunch with. Yes, he is that socially blind that he didn't think to just get up and move to have lunch elsewhere like most kids would. Now that we are aware of it, we are teaching him to be more proactive.

Social skills are his most asynchronous behaviors and it is a continual work in progress. I appreciate everyone's advice and book recommendations. I am not expecting the school to solve my son's social skills woes.

Kate

Kate you should register your son with your regional CARD and get a CARD coordinator. Their funding has been cut to the bare bones but they are a big help.

My coordinator has had several parent workshops already this year. Not every topic applies to my son so I pick and choose which to go to. The parent workshops are nice ways to meet others and get support.

PM me with which county you are in and I will get you information on your CARD.

Also, if you have a coordinator, that would be the person working with your school so then you would know exactly what kind of training and networking they are doing with the CARD center or if the school is just blowing smoke. My coordinator will do "general autism spectrum" workshops to the entire staff of a school (including aides and lunchroom personnel) but she also does specific "Student A workshops" where she along with you would explain your specific child, strengths, challenges, and strategies. She could also do some sort of anti bullying workshops (probably with a slant towards students with disabilities being the target).

What is funny about this, is that my son IS the tallest boy in the class, in the entire 3rd grade. And the school has mentioned that. They called him a "baby huey" last year because he would unwittingly bump into kids. (This year that has not happened...he is finally realizing where the ends of his body are.)

But, we have elicited the support of a popular boy, so we will see how that works.

Well, as a practical matter, in criminal prosecutions, while you can initially charge both parties, you can only prosecute one party as a defendant and treat the other party as a victim. The school has elected to view your child's actions in the worst possible light and therefor treat your child as the defendant.

Personally, I think that is completely asinine! While "assault" is generally a greater crime than "theft", your child has a right to defend himself and his property. If in the course of recovering his property, he accidentally struck the thief, he should not be punished for it unless it was excesive force, which it doesn't appear to be.

Furthermore, both ADA (Americans with Disability Act) and IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) provide extra protections for people with physicial and mental disabilities. Sometimes it may give the school administration pause if they know that you are aware of your son's rights. If I were you, I would send the school a written complaint regarding the incident in question. I would emphasize the thief's role as instigator and that your child's attempt to retrieve his property was a reasonable response, even if he accidentally struck the thief in the process. I would throw in ADA and IDEA, but point out that even without those considerations, the school erred in failing to address the instigator's behavior. I would conclude with the concern that the school is fostering a climate of discrimination and bullying as the "theft" culminated from previous incidents of bullying behavior.

Personally, I would not let the principal off the hook so easily. While she may be able to claim ignorance at the time of the incident and punishment, she is obligated to respond to a written complaint from you. If not, you go up the chain. This will help protect your son should another incident occur.

LOL!!

The building a better circle is a very long lasting approach!

Good luck!

In school, you generally have no right to defend yourself. If you defend yourself in a fight, you will be normally be given a punishment because you were fighting.

True, but this is changing.

If the school does not let you defend yourself, then they assume responsibility. This means they must defend you. This leaves the civil liability on them in a big way.

Sooner or later a case will pierce the official immunity many school officials hide behind and then they will be personally liable.

Personally if my child was being bullied (physically) and the school was doing nothing to protect my child than she has every right to defend herself.

My point was that the school will then punish your child with detention and/or suspension because of the fighting, so it's kind of a lose-lose situation.

I understand that, but I would push the issues and probably change schools if possible. If the school doesn't have the best interest of my child (their safety) in mind then I wouldn't want my child in that school. And regardless of the punishment I would tell my child she did the right thing (protected herself). Schools will claim they have 0% tolerance of bullying but in reality it's often not the case. I have family members and friends whose children are struggling with bullies and the schools have done little about it.