Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Hothouse Kids Book

I got this book from the library and I'm nearly done with it (Hooray! I might finish a book! :))

I think I've read threads here where people mentioned it. It is irritating the heck out of me. The author is mixing too unrelated things. She keeps talking about helicopter parenting and "extreme" parenting, where parents really push their children and overschedule them. Parents of ND kids and gifted kids might both engage in these behaviors. It has nothing to do with being gifted.

Then she ties that to parenting children who are actually gifted, according to IQ testing. She makes it sound like the parents are the reason these gifted kids can't make friends easily or feel depressed. Or that the parents cause the child to grow up and feel unfulfilled.

If I didn't know any better, this book would make me run right over to Waldorf and swear off any academic "enrichment" for my child, ever. (Not that there is anything wrong with Waldorf. It is just play based. I liked the idea before reading about Montessori, which she also seems to be putting down.)

I'd also really look down on the entire concept of "giftedness" and decide every kid is pretty much the same.

Gifted kids do need to be challenged, they can have a hard time finding friends, and they can suffer from depression. This is all due to them being naturally intense and seeing and thinking about more things than most people. This has nothing to do with what their parents have done to them.

And maybe some of us grow up and feel unfulfilled because we need to be challenged in our job and we might also be idealistic and really want our job to be meaningful. Sometimes we are interested and good at so many areas, it can be hard to even choose one career path. That isn't caused by bad parenting.

The author obviously has an ax to grind because her own father pushed her too hard, but she is trying to support her argument with things that don't go together. Regular kids getting "hothoused" by their parents is NOT the same as intense gifted kids who ask for and need to be challenged earlier.


Anyone else read this book?

No, but I find the Amazon reviews telling. Particularly the one from one of the parents interviewed for the book, who felt both that the book had been misrepresented to him when he was asked to be interviewed, and that his statements had not been accurately reflected.

ETA: Comments on that review reveal that at least 3 parents felt they were misquoted, saw the review on Amazon, and were willing to publicly identify themselves as interviewees. Wow.

I read the amazon comments as well. Very revealing.

Yeah, I just read the reviews on Amazon. I skimmed through the rest of the book. I did learn more about the gifted community and saw how other people might view it (negatively) from the outside... but I don't have enough time to waste on finishing this book. I'll start a new one.

This book was a recommended read by the psychologist who did DD's testing. For my HG+, 2e, never-knew-she-was-so-smart DD, it was a good read because it really got us to thinking about how important it was to keep treating her like an ordinary child. The only thing that had changed was a label... she was the same child as she had always been before we knew. Something about knowing the IQ result initially had us thinking that she needed to prove how smart she was to everyone.

Instead of pushing her to 'live up to her potential', we got the message that we should help her discover her own strengths and encourage her to pursue activities that would use them. For what it is worth, we are still looking for a lot of those strengths. But, everytime I start to think that she needs to be pushed (and hard, with both hands!), I remember that book.

I read that book last year and was fighting not to throw the stupid thing across the room. A couple of times I put it down and had to come back to it when I calmed down. I was sorely tempted to dump it in the trash (which I ultimately did) before finishing it, but I stuck through it.

To say it ticked me off is putting it mildly.

Unfortunately, I purchased my copy!

IMO-it does the gifted community no service.