Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Another friendship gone wrong story :(

Tks Geomamma!

I'm so glad you were able to find someone live to talk to about DS. Regular people do exist out there! I was lucky yesterday - DS has been making friends with his swim mates parents. He just loves to chat with them. I've always been a shy about mixing but yesterday, they drew me out to ask about DS. My plan is to not say more than necessary :o, but these people are nice! I love the way they handle their kids. Plenty for me to learn!

That sounds like great news blob! I really hope it works out!

It doesn't have a happy ending. She never did talk to me again, she continued to undermine me, and her children were bullying mine all this time. This week, while on maternity leave, I was effectively dumped. I found out only when changes to the group were announced publicaly by email - The name, that I created, was changed. The website I designed was moved and the structure I gave it was changed. Even the wording of the announcement was using the same language that this person used when she was harrassing me. The hard part? This person was not in a position to make the changes, someone else who stepped in for me did it.

I sent out a resignation email thanking everyone for their time and saying how I have enjoyed and that I was sorry I wasn't able create a safe and supportive environment, but I hoped to see people around, and wished the new group all the best. Having been effectively evicted it seemed important to go with dignity. I hope I did that.

A handful of people have contacted me, thanking me for my time and hoping I am all right. I have heard nothing from anyone else, including the lady who was replacing me.

Now I have to continue to run into these people on a regular basis, as the community is too small not to see them, and I have lost what I thought was a good suuport for us. So I'm generally feeling pretty miserable.

I'm trying to look at the bright side and say I now have time for a business I've been thinking of. Pity it would need the support of almost the same people.

I wonder if some of this frustration might be mitigated by just telling that 'special' someone who is driving you crazy (next time they make an odd comment)...'what do you mean by that?' see if you can draw them out gently and get to understand that they are crossing a line.
Might not work, might result in a real scene (hopefully not), but if you are considering chucking a volunteer role and/or someone's friendship anyway, shouldn't you reach out to try to explain yourself first? I think that 'running of the tapes' in your head really shows that you have things you WANT to SAY, it's just figuring out how to approach the issue.

It's like telling someone they have broccoli in their teeth; people really want to know if they are being a-holes. (really they don't set out in the morning to make you miserable!)

I have never once regretted speaking my mind on something, it always makes me feel much better and frankly I have salvaged otherwise terrible work relationships, friendships and relative relationships this way. I once told a friend at work to 'just call me Frank', since they looked so shocked that I was taking on a particularly cranky colleague. It can be done, but not without communication!

Unfortunately it's gone to far for that now, Chris1234, (I have already have resigned and the person was already not talking to me) but perhaps next time I'll try it. It can't end up worse than this.

I do think with hindsight that standing up for myself more agressively (assertively?) at the beginning may have been better, but it was alwys so carefully done that pointing at anyone thing would have looked petty to others, you know?

Hugs to you GM. This all sounds just awful. I wish we were close enough to have regular plays!

Sounds like a nasty situation, GeoMamma - sorry you had to go through this.

Sorry to hear the update...how frustrating! Hopefully you'll find some silver linings and your business will be a great success. I wonder if there is some small tweak that will allow you to do the business that interests you, but give you a customer base that is different from this gang?

Love and More Love,
and Hugs
Grinity

I have a very nice friend who works very hard at school/learning w/ DC. DD ended up infront of her in the library line with 15 books and her child had 2. My friend said, DC has a whole stack of books at home to read. She wasn't being mean, I think she just felt she needed to keep up with us. I just smiled. I felt a little sad as this was one of many little situations I deal with. I think many kids read 2 books a week and that's ok. I try not to brag infront of her and tell her it's good DC is challenged and knows how to work hard.

Many of us are dealing with feeling different. Hugs.