Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Do some gifted children hothouse themselves?

Why don't you just keep teaching him, since that seems to be the best motivation for him?

Unless it's causing him (or you) significant stress, I don't really see a problem.

Great posts here.

There have been times when I've been tempted to hothouse in the sense of...my kid can do this and seems good with it, and it's kind of fun to see it. DD was very interested in text at about 18 months and learned some sight words on her own. I thought "Hmmm...cool!" and made some word cards and left them out. She would sometimes toddle over and get them, or I would take them out, in the same way you'd take out Duplos or a puzzle. After a while she amassed about 50 sight words. She seemed to mildly enjoy this game, just as she would enjoy other things we did, like Playdoh or gluing things or whatever. But I began to feel anxious that I was hotbhousing and to see that this might be more my "Gee, cool!" side taking over, so I put the cards away out of sight to see if she would ask for them. She didn't. They stayed in the drawer and never came out again.

I don't know if this was exactly hothousing. It's an interesting call. She participated, happily, but she did not ask for the info, and did not seem either wildly excited or, certainly, opposed.

Somewhat similarly, I guess, we put a world map up in DD's room when she was 2. This turned into a nightly thing of naming countries before bed. She did seem to love it ("Three more countries!"), but it was not her idea and I admit that we enjoyed the party-trick aspect (though again, no one outside the family knew she did this). One day the map developed a rip, and we took it down. She didn't ask for another.

Much later, we got her a US states placemat and she promptly memorized all the states. She became somewhat famous in kindergarten for this. Then the placemat fell apart and we threw it away and that was the end of that, though I think she still knows most of them (she's forgotten most of the countries--her geography was literally better than mine at one point, in that she knew most of Africa and the new Eastern Europe).

I am making her sound very obedient or something. She isn't. She eats up information, somewhat indiscriminately.

...Because I made the mistake of asking for advice for some 'curriculum for a 4 year old online somewhere and I am now convinced I am evil.

I call that the 'balanced-push' and conceive of having one hand on the child's back and one hand in front on the sternum so that when I push from behind, I don't topple him! I pretty much am willing to try this with anyone who looks to me like they could use that sort of hand. I think that if you are astute enough to be able to read a child this well, then you are paying enough attention to try the balanced-push and see what happens.

Humans, including children, are very complicated creatures, and it's more about close observation and trial and error than having a set of answers that work for everyone in all situations.

Of course - knowing oneself and dismantling the hot buttons helps too.

When my son was 3 I was doing a lot more balanced pushing around building character and gross motor than around academics. With the academics I was trying not to coleslaw him, so those topics I used the idea that if he was having fun, and I was having fun, then it was probably ok. When it came to fine motor development I took more of an 'attractive nuisance' approach - I did try to leave things around that would help him develop the fine motor skills even though the perfectionism was slowing him down quite a bit in that area.

In general, I think we should reclaim 'hothousing' as a pride word. As a group we truely enjoy so many activities that other would perceive as 'torturing the kid' that I'm ready to say - Yup, I'm a hothousing helicopter mom - and if you can think of any other labels designed to intimidate parents I can be those too!

If you are trying to find fun handwriting readiness stuff, have you looked at
http://shopping.hwtears.com/category/GSS

I'm looking forward to hearing about if they seem useful to baby gifties, as I didn't find out about this website until my son was elementary school aged.

Smiles,
Grinity

You know, everyone has different ideas about what they think kids should be able to do by a certain age.

After reading all about the Montessori method, I realized that many kids can be introduced to reading before they are 6 years old, and that it might even benefit them. If you teach your kid to read by 4 or something, outside of a school, then maybe some people would say you were hothousing. In my family, we expect that babies be potty trained before 2 years old. I was fully potty trained by 22 months and my little sister even earlier than that. My mom didn't push us or mess us up by teaching us about using a potty.

I have no problem showing my 8 month old how her shape sorter works, trying to teach her shapes, or reading her whatever book I feel like reading to her (or whatever she chooses.) It is my job to educate her, or at least provide opportunities for learning.

If she happily learns the symbols on a flash card, I'll happily show her more flash cards! All this stuff in the early years is just basic knowledge about the world, anyway. Once you learn your ABCs, numbers, and all the basic stuff like colors and animals you get to REALLY learn about the world. You get to read books on anything you want to read about. You need the basics first, though. Why not get them out of the way so your kid is ready to explore their interests fully when they want to?

Also, some people think kids should just play all the time before entering school, but playing is learning to a child and if they are having fun learning what you show them, then I think it is just fine.

I am too tired to say much more than - thank you for this thread.

Actually I do have a few random thoughts - I think GeoMamma and I may have been twins separated at birth.

Ultramarina - I found your stories of things your DD did happily and then never asked for again fascinating. My kids a) tend to resist "new". They have to be given a shove to go out and play, to look at something new, etc, but will then run with it way further than expected, and will keep asking for people/stuff they miss to come back.

I remember reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" and my two biggest A-ha moments were realising that I was an extreme introvert raising an extreme extrovert (ouch) and the section on the "Negative First Reaction". All three of mine do this to some extent, #1 and #3 very, very strongly. So for us some of our pushing is about getting over initial resistance to something I am SURE they will love, and I am usually right.

Thank you! I'm honoured

Annette, this bit: I think its because so many of us have had the 'pushy'or whatever label thrown at us, we often feel we have to emphasise that we didn't make our children <do whatever>, even here. I hear it a lot, you know.

I really love how supportive this thread is and its given me a lot to think about.

I think I might make a sign saying something like "I won't coleslaw my children" and put it up where I will see it everyday, to remind me.

That's a very good point. I think that 'readiness' varies wildly in preschool years, and I think that's why preschool teachers are often the most comfortable with kids being in very different places in different developmental areas.

g

Since DD went to a Montessori, I think you can see this with gifted kids. The teacher told me that DD was drawn to the math area and pushed herself.

Ren

MumofThree---yes, my children are high in what they call "approach." When I read the spirited child book I realized the ways in which DD is actually "easy." She loves new things and virtually never has a negative first reaction. We joke about how if you said, "DD, do you want to be shipped in a carton to Yugoslavia?" her answer would be "Yes!", because it sounds interesting. Whatever a new thing is, generally speaking, she's up for trying it. I don't know if I ever had her refuse to go with me somewhere or even resist. It's fascinating to see the contrast between her and her best friend, who is basically the opposite. It makes for interesting playdates.

On the other hand, she is plenty resistant and negative in other ways!