Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Public School with IEP or Private School?

During third grade DD had a teacher who used one of these public shaming systems. DD never got in trouble but she was terrified of getting a "pink dot." It exacerbated all of her perfectionist tendencies and created anxiety where we hadn't seen it before (or since). She was so afraid to make a mistake that her teacher the following year spent half the year getting her to take risks again. I would avoid that situation like the plague.

Pemberly,
This might be a good way to bridge the topic with your teacher. I think it's ok to bend the truth and pretend that Knute is a good friend with a daughter who really reminds you of your daughter, and tell knute's story as a way to communicate:
1) you aren't the only person in the world like this
2) this bad outcome can really happen
3) kids 'just like' your dd really do exist


I almost wouldn't call that kind of reframe lying - I would call it 'translating' into a frame of reference that the teacher is likely to be able to absorb without a lot of pain. I really do believe that many families with unusually gifted kids face issues that are so unusual that it is nescessary and proper do this level of lying. I wish it wasn't that way - I love facts and being grounded. But I also like sticking to the main point and communicating effectively.

Reminds me of seeing a book on my local Library's shelf called:
"When you believe it, you'll see it."
That is how the human mind operates most of the time.

((shrugs and more shrugs))
Grinity

All good advice here. I just want to make one suggestion. No matter what you decide have the district finish all the testing and have an IEP drawn up -- with your concerns included. Does your state have gifted under Special Ed? This gives you a tool if: A) you go to the private school and you need discussion points, or 2)if you stay (or return later) in public school and have a legal document to work with.

I have drafted and redrafted an email to the school psych who is writing the IEP quoting folks here as "other parents I have met who also have 2E kids with anxiety issues" and then I remove that section thinking I don't want to get too bogged down. It just seems SO OBVIOUS that these things are a bad idea. How does someone go about trying to explain the obvious????

I had asked to have the color chart issue included in the IEP but was told that they could not dictate something that is considered a "classroom wide" behavior management tool. On the other hand her IEP includes language about her requiring positive reinforcement and these charts are most definitely in the category of negative reinforcement - right?

I awoke in a panic last night with the thought that all of this work is going to fall apart when DD walks into the classroom the first time and sees this thing. I HAVE to find a way to get them to address this - but how?

Pemberley, do you otherwise firmly believe that this teacher is a good fit? How firmly? How inappropriate is the other teacher-- and, not having seen them teach, how do you know?

If you think your DD *really* belongs in that teacher's classroom, then Grinity's "desensitization" plan above might work. If you do this, work at it daily between now and school, and visit the classroom at least once (preferably more) before the first day and have her lay eyes on, touch, play with the chart. I think that's your best shot if you need her to be placed there.

However: I'd want to be darn sure of the principal's reasons for NOT placing her with the other teacher. Are that teacher's classroom management strategies any better?

Hm.

DeeDee

We noticed that the principal wanted us out of that other teacher's classroom as quickly as possible and seemed very uncomfortable that she happened to be there as we came by. Then last night I got a message from another parent saying that we do not want this teacher under any circumstance and the parent used 7 exclamation points to make her point. I take that as pretty emphatic. (Something about her son having been bullied in that classroom last year and the teacher being totally ineffective in addressing it.)

Of the other options 1 is new to the school and the principal is very uncomfortable putting DD with a teacher that she can't vouch for. The last option is a young teacher who has been there only 1 year. She is quite young and uses a cute color chart with a bee theme (i.e. each child is a bee and the colors are in the shapes of hives but at least the focal point is the green hive - much larger and in front. The red hive is the smallest and is behind the other 2.) When we tried to talk to her she just smiled and said "Oh yes, I use color charts" "Uh-huh, I use color charts."

The 2E expert says that unless we can use the portion of our IEP that requires positive reinforcement to convince the teacher to alter her approach we are basically stuck. She couldn't think of any way around it except to help DD get over it.

I am desperately afraid to try to desensitize her ourselves - she has been having such a relaxed, anxiety free summer I just don't have the heart to get her all stressed out again. The private will likely mean less LD help than she needs. Not a great solution but if she is paralyzed by anxiety at the public she won't be learning much anyway, right? Of course if they have been made aware that this is a trigger and we have requested an accommodation for it I can only assume they would be held responsible if she reacts. That won�t be much consolation while dealing with a panicked 6 year old though�

Actually in behavioural psychology speak this isn't negative reinforcement...it is a response cost system.

Negative reinforcement is if you are getting a stimulus (food, pain, whatever) and that stops when you do a behavior....so if you are being pinched by someone and you say "uncle" and the pinching stops that was negative reinforcement.

Response cost is like getting fined, losing a level, etc. And can be a type of punishment.

Punishment is funny because the behavior actually has to reduce or stop the behavior or else it isn't punishment....if the same kid is on red day after day after day....then it isn't very effective. If some kids only randomly get on red then maybe they just made a mistake or needed more information or instruction on how to handle that. And chances are the kids who are always on green would behave without the color system altogether.

I have big problems with the stupid color systems and my son is also an anxious one too.

I haven't hit send yet but I just drafted an email to the admissions director at the private turning them down. I am so sad - I feel like I am setting DD up for another stressful year and feel just so awful about it...

Pemberley, don't burn bridges with anybody-- even as you state the plan as it has to be for now, let them know how much you admire what they're doing and your reasons for your current choice. You never know when things might change, and more allies in the world can help.

You're doing a great job considering all paths. Please don't be discouraged.

DeeDee

I feel really anxious about giving advice in such a big decision. But if this is how youare feeling :


Then please dont send it until you have thought some more. I don't remember any big decisione where I followed my instincts about my kids and regretted it. I can think of many where I believed "experts".