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Well put Val. Mark is an excellent moderator.

I'm sorry you've been feeling that the one-upping is more prominient, what a drag - I haven't been percieving that.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I could have phrase my ideas better. I feel that there have been more instances than previously of what I think of as bragging to make others feel inadequate, as opposed to celebrating some wonderful achievement or whatever.

Made up example of the former:

"I'm having trouble getting little DS to write. He hates it. Any suggestions?"

Reply to engender inadequacy: "My DD started writing when she was 4 months old! I gave her some bright crayons and some construction paper."

Thoughtful reply: "Have you tried X or Y? Check this thread from a year ago..."

One of the worst offenders of this kind of thing (IMHO) hasn't posted in a while. But my point was that it came up, it put me off the board, but I don't want to formally regulate speech (at least, not in this way).

Example of celebrating achievement: see the Ultimate Brag thread.

That's a great example. Thankfully I missed that thread (I don't read them all - actually)

I think those examples would be useful to send out as a 'welcome to the forum' not as in "you may not do this" but as in "We are proud of the atmousphere we've created here, please contribute to it's maintenance by doing this as little as possible, and not being freaked out if we complain when you do do this.

Maybe if we made if funny somehow? Remember that highlight's magazine with the good example and the bad example?

I also would like to be upfront about our 'pro-gradeskipping' flavor. Not that we think gradeskipping has no downside or is a cure-all, but there are lots of families here for whom it is a least-worst option. But that if a person joins who can't imagine why anyone would do such a thing to a child, then they should at least be warned tread gently and to stick to personal experience instead of proclimation of opinions in that particular area. I have no idea how to put that.

((shrugs and more shrugs))
Grinity

I didn't realize we have a pro-gradeskipping flavor, although I think we're certainly anti-anti-gradeskipping. I'm thoroughly against warning people not to voice their opinions, although there are certainly bad ways to voice any opinion. Not every person with a non-mainstream opinion is a troll, and no matter how pro-gradeskipping we are, being exposed to other viewpoints will not break us.

There's a similar situation to what you suggest on a different forum where they have an anti-vaccination slant. To put it mildly, they are not very welcoming of anything even approaching a contrary view, even though they have one forum that's theoretically open for general discussions about vaccination.

I agree, and think this is a perfect example of what I consider to be offensive speech that we've tolerated for quite some time now.

My heart just filled with love for you, for saying that. But I personally think that what's going on is that Mark mentioned in a recent thread that forum guidelines were in the offing, and Grinity decided to create a few threads to discuss issues that might feed into the guidelines. She's certainly trying to push things in a certain direction, but isn't that her right? She's just using her particular type of persuasion. With her it started by framing the discussion, but people are free to start other threads on forum conduct/rules, and to push this one in any direction they wish.

I think what's happened is an interesting discussion about different viewpoints on what the forum should be and have. The more touchy-feely types (a lovingly meant term) can only force things insofar as they are compelling in their reasons for making the forum more touchy-feely. The open thread has had plenty of input from people who IMHO have shown why this forum shouldn't be censored.

I'm always for getting all the cards on the table. If I were the only person who believed in straight talk and open discussion, and it became apparent that I had come to a "discussion" forum whose only real goal was to offend no one and make people feel welcome, I would probably just leave out of respect, realizing that I was in the wrong place. I'm relieved to see that this isn't that place.

I suggested the PMs because I was trying to solve the problem of potentially feeling the need to comment on someone's conduct, and wanting to avoid upsetting the more sensitive people here, who are apparently even more sensitive than I realized before. But you've given voice to exactly what I have felt in the past. For example there was a time previously, when someone was attacking someone else, that I openly asked the attacker whether she thought she was being appropriate. It was because I didn't want to attack her privately, and I also didn't feel like ratting her out and bothering the moderators.

I am thinking that while it might be good to have some sort of mission statement or guidelines, it would probably be bad to have many hard rules, if any. I was thinking of the PM "rule" as more of a suggestion, but now I think it's not called for at all. I do like aculady's suggestions a fair bit.

HI! I'm newish here. I posted my DD9's WJ scores and asked for help interpreting them BOY! I was so amazed that people actually talked to me! People who seemed to really CARE that I understood what my daughters results meant and even actually CARED that my daughter received the best help she could get! Not even my own mother wants to hear about my dd's schooling...didn't even listen when I read her the scores. My friends CERTAINLY are not going to discuss anything about my daughter except her height and her black fingernails. I don't have money to test her or buy an advocate and the school refuses any skipping. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the responses I get when I post! The more responses, the more welcome I feel! I wouldn't even mind if someone told me I was going down the wrong path...It would be great to have several oppinions even if they aren't the same...I have no idea where I am with my child, I have no idea where I am going. She is my oldest and we come from a long line of anti-intelectuals...Not people with low IQ's just people who dis-like "smart" people. I need all the help I can get. I would hate for someone's comment to me to be deleted because someone else found it offensive. I am an adult.

I was sooo happy to hear that my daughter didn't score sooo high that she HAD to have a grade skip. That was honesty. I never got that as a child. No one ever told me that my art was "muddy" or the shape was off....I knew it was...but I got A's anyway. I want to be told. Even if you don't like me. Even if you think I am making all the wrong decisions....I want to be told.

I respectfully submit that if there is one hard-and-fast rule we need, it is this.

AND I have been sitting in the car each morning this week, while DD5 in attending gymnastics camp..in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot...with my phone....reading reading and reading thread after thread. I enjoy it very much.

Also, thank you everyone for caring enough...this forum is a real lifeline. I think if people really need help, or advice, they would never be pushed away by a few poorly worded statements. Most people have been publicly humiliated already in a room full of administrators and teachers, psychologists and reading specialists. What could anyone do here that is worse than that! We are all in the same boat! -- right?