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    Joined: Apr 2009
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    Originally Posted by GeoMamma
    Mothers experiencing that will have plenty of people telling them it is their fault, and they need to know that it isn't becaue they are bad mothers.

    Agreed. And, it isn't because their babies have bad personalities. It just is. Not everything in this world needs to be somebody's fault.

    Last edited by passthepotatoes; 07/30/11 03:57 PM.
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    Originally Posted by passthepotatoes
    Originally Posted by GeoMamma
    Mothers experiencing that will have plenty of people telling them it is their fault, and they need to know that it isn't becaue they are bad mothers.

    Agreed. And, it isn't because their babies have bad personalities. It just is. Not everything in this world needs to be somebody's fault.


    Absolutely! I hadn't really thought of the babies being bad angle, but your right, some people do see it that way.

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    Oh, I meant to say, Wren, that the program sounds fantastic! It is a great way to have some new activities for them. I have been dreaming of something similar to that for homeschoolers.

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    Originally Posted by islandofapples
    Did I somehow do this with attachment parenting or is she picking up on how serious I am, too, or something? She laughs more than she used to, but we never got a real belly laugh until she was 6 months old and we have to work for them (though she'll laugh if I trip or something lol.)

    No, I am sure you are not to blame for what you describe. Yes, a baby's personality is nature caused. Maybe the natured personality drives the parents' nurture which then reinforces the natured personality. But, I have seen enough babies pop out with their own pre-set personalities to know that you just get what you get, and I believe a good parent will parent the individual child.

    Just had to respond because our baby did not laugh until she was almost six months old. Before then she would smile and get excited, but not belly laugh. She was a very serious baby, though. Once, a stranger asked me, "why so serious?" I started to answer that I had had a busy day, when she stopped me and said she was talking about the baby in my carrier. She got many of these comments, as well as the comments about how she appeared to understand everything, be listening to everything, or was taking it all in.

    She also had severe stranger anxiety that started around three weeks and lasted a bit past 18 months. She was a baby that did not want to be held by anyone she didn't know. I did feel that she was making it very hard for anyone else to fall in love with her (what with the not ever smiling or wanting to be held.)

    Luckily, she did aim to please in other departments. I'll never forget when she started doing what I asked around 6 months. First, she started clicking her tongue, and then she was doing everything. She could point to body parts and knew and handful of signs, words, and a bunch of animal sounds around then, and that was always a crowd pleaser. She had so many tricks.

    (I remember an awkward moment when another mom asked me my favorite age. I immediately answered 6 months was the best because "they" start to do all these tricks, which I of course later learned is not even true for the majority of 12 month olds.)

    I never classified her as intense or spirited, probably because she got so much relatively easier when we could communicate and her reflux disappeared. It is all about perspective.

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    Originally Posted by ellemenope
    Originally Posted by islandofapples
    Did I somehow do this with attachment parenting or is she picking up on how serious I am, too, or something? She laughs more than she used to, but we never got a real belly laugh until she was 6 months old and we have to work for them (though she'll laugh if I trip or something lol.)

    No, I am sure you are not to blame for what you describe. Yes, a baby's personality is nature caused. Maybe the natured personality drives the parents' nurture which then reinforces the natured personality. But, I have seen enough babies pop out with their own pre-set personalities to know that you just get what you get, and I believe a good parent will parent the individual child.

    Just had to respond because our baby did not laugh until she was almost six months old. Before then she would smile and get excited, but not belly laugh. She was a very serious baby, though. Once, a stranger asked me, "why so serious?" I started to answer that I had had a busy day, when she stopped me and said she was talking about the baby in my carrier. She got many of these comments, as well as the comments about how she appeared to understand everything, be listening to everything, or was taking it all in.

    She also had severe stranger anxiety that started around three weeks and lasted a bit past 18 months. She was a baby that did not want to be held by anyone she didn't know. I did feel that she was making it very hard for anyone else to fall in love with her (what with the not ever smiling or wanting to be held.)

    Luckily, she did aim to please in other departments. I'll never forget when she started doing what I asked around 6 months. First, she started clicking her tongue, and then she was doing everything. She could point to body parts and knew and handful of signs, words, and a bunch of animal sounds around then, and that was always a crowd pleaser. She had so many tricks.

    (I remember an awkward moment when another mom asked me my favorite age. I immediately answered 6 months was the best because "they" start to do all these tricks, which I of course later learned is not even true for the majority of 12 month olds.)

    I never classified her as intense or spirited, probably because she got so much relatively easier when we could communicate and her reflux disappeared. It is all about perspective.

    Hey Ellemenope! I know you from another forum I think. ;D

    We get those comments all the time about how serious she is and how she seems to be "taking it all in", too.

    I have no clue if DD will be gifted. She just turned 8 months and took her first steps yesterday! But she is only saying baba and dada so far...so... I duno.

    She started signing "potty", but I stopped the potty learning and now I'm not even sure she really knows it.

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    Originally Posted by passthepotatoes
    I'm joining the discussion very late, but I just wanted to say that it makes me sad to hear such negative words thrown around about babies. Words like moody, mean, manipulative, demanding, etc. It seems inappropriate to me to pigeon hole and predict a person's life long personality based on their behavior as an infant.

    I don't use/view the word manipulative as negative at all.

    I do think it takes a certain amount of mental ability for an infant to communicate his/her wants nonverbally.

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    Originally Posted by HelloBaby
    Originally Posted by passthepotatoes
    I'm joining the discussion very late, but I just wanted to say that it makes me sad to hear such negative words thrown around about babies. Words like moody, mean, manipulative, demanding, etc. It seems inappropriate to me to pigeon hole and predict a person's life long personality based on their behavior as an infant.

    I don't use/view the word manipulative as negative at all.

    I do think it takes a certain amount of mental ability for an infant to communicate his/her wants nonverbally.

    Yeah. I also want to say that I don't feel I am labeling DD and acting like she will be "moody" or whatever for her entire life. I believe she is extremely frustrated with her inability to do some things (ex: last night she tried over and over again to turn the pages of a regular big book. She couldn't do it. She balled up her fists and made her customary frustrated / exasperated growly sound that I can barely describe lol.)

    Anyway, I don't like anyone to label her in a negative way. My mom did it with my sister and I, and I've even brought my mom around to avoiding the negative words.

    We try to use words like "persistent, independent, curious, etc." Other people have said my baby "has a temper" and is "aggressive." I don't like it, though DD does appear like that to other people at times.

    I know that many of the characteristics that drive parents nuts are some of the exact same ones that people admire in successful, happy adults.

    We were referring to her as "Grouchy McGroucherson" at a few months old because she cried so much back then (truly, we had to joke or we would cry ourselves), and a few times people commented on how good she was out in public and I automatically said something about how I was just praying she would stay asleep/happy or whatever. I was mad at myself for saying it and DH and I decided to get the negative stuff out of our every day vocabulary ever since.

    Last edited by islandofapples; 08/03/11 03:20 PM.
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