Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How can gifted adults find themselves

I am posting here because I'm not sure where else to go to. I live in a small town and don't know anybody else who is gifted. Recent events in my life have caused me a great deal of reflection and I am hoping for a kindred spirit or a lending ear to help explain to me what happened and what to do next.

I'm 25 and I graduated from college in '08. All my life it has been very difficult for me to talk about myself or even write about myself. It caused a lot of problems in school, and I never understood why it seemed to come so easily to other people. I would only learn from the teachers and the material that I deemed 'worthy'. I would come up with wild math theories and present them to my favorite teachers, I think hoping that it could spark an intense conversation. Many people called me their best friend, but to me they were just acquaintances. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. But here is the kicker - I didn't realize until a few months ago that I was doing any of this. I was just acting on impulse. I had an act I put on for everybody that no one could break. No one could see through it.

After I graduated, these feelings made it very difficult for me to get work. Imagine going to an interview when your biggest fear is talking about yourself. It wasn't pretty. So I followed my feelings halfway across the world to help discover what I was missing. Unfortunately, it didn't go well. I was disconnected from my music and my books so I had this uncomfortable feeling inside of me that grew worse and worse as the months progressed. I sought out friends and relationships, but I could find no one I could relate to or willing to relate to me. This made it more and more difficult for me to find work and I lost more and more control over my impulses.

This all came to a climax in January. I was penniless, separated from my passion for months, friendless, and under intense pressure to come up with money. This all lead me to had a mental breakdown and the challenge in my personality disappeared. Now, for the first time in my life, I find that I am able to talk about myself. I am able to remember things that I had never even considered before. I still feel like I am hiding myself, and am not sure who I can open up to.


Do you have any opinions, advice, general comments, understanding ... really anything would be appreciated.

Wow Mardymar -
You have been hiding from yourself so well and for so long - a wonderful step forward! You may be still hiding from others, but the fact that you are no longer hiding from self is a big step forward! Well Done.

As for advice - I'm not sure what level of advice nor what your resources are...

Here's some questions -
What level of advice -
1) Have you figured out how to make friend's with your body's physical needs - that is, have you developed a general pattern of reasonable nutrition, set bedtime and wake up time, enough daily physical movement/outdoor time, figured out how to avoid drugs/alcohol, a reasonable amount of alone/social time?

2) Is spirituality something the works for you? If so, do you get to practice it or express it regularly?

3) Do you have a job? Are there people who are older and wiser around you who care about you? (Even if not an intellectual match, it's good to have a place where you are cared about.)

4) You mention a passion. Have you found a way to reincorporate it into your life in a regular basis way?

5) Service to others - have you found a way to make any at all contribution to your local world? It's hard to feel good when you aren't contributing to the world in some way.

6) How do you feel? Are you still plugged into your support network from the breakdown? Do you have other supports in place? Are you 'twice exceptional' - that is 'gifted with an additional challenge' such as ADHD, AS, Learning Disability, Mental Health Issue or a physical handicap?

Resources Available -
Do you have regular Internet? Working car? Live within a day trip of any large city? Is there a local-ish Mensa group? Have you discovered Hoagiesgifted.com? Are you able to do well at college-type learning? Do you have a degree? Are you trained for any kind of work? Do you have a dream of what kind of work you would like to do?

Have you read any books on gifted children? Which ones do you like so far?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Some libraries have career counselors to listen and help you put together an action plan to get a job. That might help. You can get started with them looking at you resume and practice interviewing.

You could also contact the college you graduated from and get some guidance. Are there any professors there you admire? Try to meet with one of them and get advice.

Sometimes going thru a interview is like a performance. If your prepared you can just go thru the paces because you are well rehearshed.

I think you just need help finding your direction and you will do great. Hugs

Hello

First of all you are not alone. There are people that do understand and can help you.


I strongly recommend finding a therapist, if you have not already; and one that is knowledgeable and skilled - or at least willing to learning about working with Gifted clients. This person may not exist in the small town you live in, however. Counselor Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC in Seattle perhaps may be able to put you in touch with someone in your area. http://www.lisaerickson.net/ One of her area of specialities is Giftedness.

If you haven�t already read the books �The Drama of the Gifted Child� and �Gifted Adults� and check this link out too. This link may pertain to your having had a �nervous breakdown� http://positivedisintegration.com/

I am a gifted adult in her 50s that just learned I was this way in January while in therapy. I am a natural in the arts, and have learned that gifted people are individually unique from not only among the majority of people but from each other. We can and do feel extra lonely now and then.

A kindred spirit
DebM

Fascinating post. Classic case of the quarterlife crisis?

I've been trying to find myself for 37 years.

And it still hasn't happened. Go figure.

Isn't Drama of the Gifted child was about childhood trauma, not intellectual/creative giftedness?

I've never figured out the interview thing myself. I've pretty much been handed the jobs I've had so far, interviewing knowing that I've already got the job, so to speak.