Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Finding peers in school

Not sure where to put this post, but thought Learning Environments might work. This post is mostly an emotional outlet for me. I just found out one of DS's best friends is moving across the state this summer, and I'm really down about it, for him and for me; the family is a gifty family and it's a big loss for us.

DS6 is in his first year at our neighborhood school, which we picked with deliberation three years ago, and is thriving. At K age, he gets along well with his peers. He's extremely active, and connects with most of his peers on that level, even though most of them don't have the same intellectual pursuits and maturity level. I'm not sure how long that will last as he gets older, but it's working for now. (Based on reading other threads on this site, I'd say he's MG, with HG in a couple of areas.) However, he has a couple of best friends who are on or close to his level intellectually, and I've been so happy and relieved that there are a couple of real peers in his class for him.

I just found out this morning the best "BFF," the one who is really right there with DS intellectually, is moving across the state this summer, and I'm feeling really down about it. The family is the only other family in the class I can talk to about DS without filters, because they get it, the dad is quirky and obviously a gifty himself, and we had been talking about some out of school learning we were going to do with the boys in the coming year. Now they're leaving, and I feel somewhat deflated. I've been determined to give my children a better grade-school experience than my own, and it's been working for the brief time we've been on this path. Academically, subject acceleration, ability grouping, and the IB inquiry-based learning approach is working for the time being; I feel that if he can continue to have two or three other real peers around him, on top of the many other "bright" kids in his grade, he stands a great chance of having a happier elementary school experience than mine was. He's sad that his BF is moving, and I am too.

I agree with you assessment of the situation. You are headed in the right direction. You have the right map, and you know how to take your bearings. I hope that the other kids 'blossom' a bit over the summer - they may! Or a new 'at his level' kid may move to town soon. You'll have to see how it unfolds. I agree that 'real peers' are just as important as what the teacher is up to - well, maybe 'almost as important, but still very important.'

As for you, I am sad that this family is leaving. It's really key for you to step up to the plate and take responsibility for your own social life independently from your child. This is no small order! Parenting is exhausting and time consuming and hanging with one's kids friends is a time-honored way to deal with the stress. Yet again, it's one of those things where Gifted Parents have to work twice as hard to get the same result. I remember when my son was about 8, I realized that I preferred his company to any local adult! It struck me how uncool that was soon going to be. So I started dragging my attention away in small bits and strengthening my ties with adults who could adjust to the 'new me' and combing the local town for ways to hope to meet some adult females who I could enjoy without the filter, or at least in one specific area, and strengthening the cyber/distance friendships. That's why I'm so excited about upcoming conferences, such as BIQ next weekend. I got lucky and met my BFF about a year later - and now she's moving about 3hours away! So I do feel your pain.

As for helping your DS6, it might be good if you can find a fictional world for him to inhabit for a while right before and after the move, preferably one with lots and lots of volumes. And one where you can inhabit it with him. Sniff around and see what hasn't been read yet. Maybe the other family can read it too and you can do a book club over skype. I like Eragon, because I read the dragon as a mother figure who 'hunts for her own food(emotional support.)' I can't speak for the sequels, as my DS had no interest.

((pout)) and more ((pout))
Grinity

I don't have much advice, I'm still trying to figure it all out, but I just wanted to offer some support. That sounds hard.