I heard a speaker who mentioned each child in the family wanting their own place in the spotlight. IF one child is the good one then the other takes on the role as bad. If one is great in Math, the other may not want to advance in the same area. I have seen my younger child not do somethings that the older one does in the spotlight.
This left me wondering. How do parents manage this?
Can't both kids be good? I quess I don't really understand this concept completely.
Onthegomom,
I have always been troubled by this as well - first as the always desperate to prove I was just as good or better than older sib and then as aunt watching how 1 niece was the smart one and the other one as "born" for clothes, make up, shopping etc.
In my case and with my youngest niece I see the same signs - what i call the bottomless well of need for attention. Not sure if it comes from the parents, the kids personality or just a bad intersection of. the two. This is where any attention becomes attention worth striving for and if that is not nipped in the bud it's sets up the bad and the good one. In my case, I didn't not rebel academically because it wasn't allowed (tiger parents) but instead discounted my achievements and still do to some extent because they never felt separately validated. Niece on the other hand went the I'll fill another niche route, but the parents reinforce it. Older one gets fun enrichment, younger one only as tag along. Younger one senses the pride of parents for older sib accomplishments and becomes desperate for attention. I worry where this will lead her. From the outside it seemed like they started this pattern very early as the second kid was different from the first, the were less consistent about discipline and teachable moments and all the extras the did with the first. Did it have to be this way, no, but it would have required recognition of the problem or awareness of the potential to have prevented it.
Health reasons are why we have only 1, DH comes from a large family and always wanted more, I was always leery fearing that the second child syndrome was inevitable. I no longer think it is. I now think that parents not conscious avoid it because the second kid lacks the predisposition for the bottomless pit, but when their psyche leans that way, I think the parents have to be super disciplined and careful in their approach. Just my long 2c!
DeHe
