My son will be 10 next week. :-) My approach is to see what he is interested in doing - the things he chooses on his own. When he is engaged in an activity (alone, not with friends) I might just come in and sit. Very often he starts talking about what he is doing and sometimes it leads to other discussions or not. Sometimes it leads to him asking if I want to try, which may or may not lead to a new family obsession for a few weeks (think pokemon or archery). My belief is that just spending time is the important thing and by observing or interacting with him while he is doing something he likes he feels my interest in him and desire to spend time with him.
