FWIW, I had dinner the other night with the only real Chinese mom that I know. Her daughter is my daughter's best friend. The mom grew up in mainland China under Chairman Mao and lived through the subsequent changes. She moved here about 13 years ago with her husband who is also Chinese. She said that when she grew up getting into good schools was political but that started to change when she got to high school. During her last two years, getting into a good school started to be a function of testing.
She said, "What we do to children now in China is terrible. Everything is about the test and that is how you get into good school. We don't allow our children to have a life. In China, they study until 10 o'clock at night. Everything is memorizing for the test. We did not want that for our children, that is why we came here."
Her children are involved in a lot of activities -- weekend Chinese school (language and cultural instruction), music (violin and flute), ice skating (figure and hockey), indoor soccer, theater, etc. She wants her children to have the opportunity to try the things that are not offered in school. She said that the only activity that is not optional is Chinese school because it is an important connection to their culture. She allows her kids to have sleepovers.
When I asked her what she thought of the "Chinese mom" article, she laughed. She pointed out that in China she would not have been allowed to have three children. She sees her two younger children in particular as her special gifts. She said that she would never treat her children that way. She said that she grew up in a culture were choices were very limited and school was very structured. She did not want that for her children. She thought maybe the article was more typical of American-born Chinese.
