It's probably not too surprising that your DS doesn't know what the problem is at this young age. My DS is VERY verbal, and even now at almost 9, he has trouble identifying what is bothering him. When DS gets an attitude, he and I have conversations to discuss that we are both obviously aware that there is a problem, and we talk about what are appropriate and inappropriate ways to vent. Sometimes, the best vent seems to be laps around the "circuit" in our house until he is just tuckered out.
If I were in your situation now, I would try to take things down a notch. You can't change the new school/house/neighborhood, but you might be able to try to make things calm. In the really stressful times, I severely limit the number of activities we commit to and do my best to have things orderly and calm in the house. The boys may miss a birthday party or an event, but I believe that's an acceptable price to pay for the family's mental health. During these times, I also make sure that the DC are getting plenty of good cardiovascular exercise and lots of sleep. I try to ensure that there is "downtime" for them to do what they want and dedicated family or DC/parent time, at least a couple days a week.
During the stressful times, especially when DS was younger, I also found that DS had a hard time getting to sleep. Not sure whether or not that's true with yours. DH or I would sit alone with him, in the dark on a couch in our bedroom and play calming games with him. For us, it was our versions of 20 questions -- with an effort on never making it too exciting, nor too difficult. Sometimes, we would do random math problems with him. We were just looking for things that would distract him from whatever was bothering him without getting him ramped up, long enough so that he could relax his mind and go to sleep.
Those are some of the things we've tried that have worked. YMMV. I hope you're able to find something that helps. Know that you're not alone and chances are good that this WILL resolve, especially since you're obviously so aware that he needs some help and are dilligently looking for answers. Your DS is lucky to have such a caring Mom.
