Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS7 says he hates me???

Hi Treecritter.

First of all ((hugs)) to you.

I have a few questions. How long has your DS7's behavior been this extreme? Is it something new? Or has it been this way for a while? Can you think back to approximately when it started to get out of control to try to see if there is anything that may be coincidental?

Also, are you sure that he's not ill? When my DS8 (since he was 4) has Strep, for example, his ONLY symptoms are 1) a headache for about 20 minutes one day, 2) a stomach ache for about 20 minutes one day, 3) somewhat swollen neck glands, and 4) completely over-the-top behavior until he gets antibiotics. That's all -- no sore throat or complaints about anything. I used to battle with the pediatrician's office to get them to check him for Strep with only these symptoms, until they saw consistently that I was right. DS is already an anxious, emotional kid, but when he has Strep, things are very exaggerated. The pediatrician told me it's not completely unheard of in other kids, too.

Also, you mention that his Dad is going to Afghanistan this summer. Is that a frequent topic of conversation in the house? I wonder if it's causing your DS anxiety. My DH is frequently away for a week to a month. We've found that we really can't prepare our DC for it, because the preparation just leads to longer anxiety about it. So, when possible, we try not to discuss it until a day or two before.

Another thing is whether anything "exciting" is going on. When DS was in K, we had him evaluated by a psychologist because of his apparent anxiety and tantrums, and the psychologist explained that excitement and anxiety are really two sides to the same coin. It's the same emotions going on. We were trying to figure out why DS's behavior became insane every time his grandparents would visit (literally, they told us they thought he was abnormal and needed to be seen by a psychiatrist). But then we thought about it.... The grandparents were usually coming for a big exciting occassion. For example, they'd come in December, when we have both DC's b'days plus Christmas, plus the preparation for having out of town guests plus having the excitement of out of town guests all wrapped into one month -- poor DS just couldn't handle it.

Anyway, I agree with MoN and Wren that the "I hate you!" talk ought not be ignored. I think that a calm, clear discussion about your feelings is in order. I find it doubtful that your DS is even angry with you. You may just be his safe harbor, where he can vent without worrying. No matter how hurtful, THAT is a good thing. But I think it is important to help him find a way to communicate his feelings in a way that is acceptable to you both.

((Hugs)) again, and good luck!