Hi, Bonusmom.
I should confess (this won't be popular here, I guess) that I don't really believe in OEs. I haven't yet seen much science to back up Dabrowski's theory. I do understand that gifted kids can be misdiagnosed as having a variety of disorders when it's just giftedness, but I also think the reverse is true: parents and doctors can write off issues that need to be addressed as "quirks" of the gifted. This delayed DS's diagnosis and access to help by some years, to our great detriment.
That said, I have to ask: with the persistence of these struggles in school, have you asked the school to do an evaluation? That could get you an IEP, and put an action plan in place that the teacher would be required to implement properly. Only the most excellent classroom teacher will be equipped to help your DS without some kind of direction from an expert.
We have gotten NO mileage at all with OT-type strategies, sensory, wiggle seat, all of that.
We are in the behaviorist camp: we have gotten results by making it worth DS's while to do things the right way, and having him notice the payoff when he does it right. Our best mileage has been through behavioral therapies (ABA, CBT).
For sitting, talking, staying on task: DS is made aware of a goal (like "sit for 5 minutes on the floor with the class at circle time without violating anyone else's personal space")-- if he makes this goal the teacher rewards him ASAP after circle, telling him what he did correctly and giving him a token. Likewise for on-task behavior, likewise for participating appropriately (not talking out of turn). We set small goals he can achieve at first, then ratchet them up.
DS is good at delayed gratification, so he accumulates tokens toward short- and long-term goals (100 tokens= big reward).
Yes, it's less than ideal to have all the peers around him know what he's working on-- but on the other hand, they already knew something was up, because he was disruptive. Once he started meeting the goals, he felt so good about himself. He is very motivated because he knows that he is gaining mastery over his challenges, and he knows his teachers and even some peers admire his efforts.
The goal has to be clear to all parties, with a well-defined, measurable standard of success; token has to be delivered ASAP after the successful execution of the desired behavior; and the reward has to be something he genuinely values. If these conditions don't hold, it doesn't work, in our experience. Rewards or punishments delivered at home for in-school performance are simply confusing and vague; they have no effect.
This sort of thing is easier to execute if the teacher is very well informed; or if you have an IEP that gets the teacher extra support in the classroom so she can make the extra effort.
HTH,
DeeDee
