I just got my cd's in the mail a few days ago. �Since my guy's a preschooler I can relate to the "and now moving forward" type of correction. �It's nice to hear all the examples of how the new timeout kind of carries this same great tactic well beyond toddlerhood.
When my ds(2.75) starts to meltdown I have always rescued him, redirect, comfort, or address the problem depending on the circumstances. �Which actually was the right thing to do until now, given his age. �Now it may not yet be time to move onto the next stage, but it's at least time to start giving it some thought. �My husband would rather let him get himself worked up and then tell him "you need to learn how to control that, son."��The hubby wants to try to teach ds to keep his cool and "control himself". ��
I'm also concerned about this to an extent because "intensities" are often mistaken for behavior problems or psychological problems. �(yeah, I'm borrowing trouble worrying about the future again) �Like Grinity said, we need to wrap our head around the idea that it's not "acting fake" to control and think about choosing our reactions, it's effectively communicating our true intent to the world. �Guess I'm already trying to decide how to teach that to a three year old when it doesn't come natural to me.
NanRos, could you share a little more about how your son relaxes within three seconds?�Is there something you can tell me that I can tell my son that might help him better than just telling him "control yourself."? My husband's plan requires letting ds get worked up just so he can practice cooling off. �
OnthegoMom, Re: is it necessary for the external motivation of points/rewards for this program to work?
From listening to the tape the guy said the point system is useful to 40% of the children. �These are usually older children who have learned to dread rules as extra burdens in their lives. �The reward system coupled with an active role in writing the house rules creates a "buy-in" where the kid now wants more rules to follow because it's now like doing a job; there's a payoff and rules have been transformed from burdens into opportunities. �The little kids who have not yet been poisoned against rules just need the time-out/reset for breaking a rule. �They don't need a reward/point for following a rule. �Following the rules is just what we all do, as well as breaking rules and moving on with life.
One great point the guy made was that behavior problems might be rooted in perfectionist tendencies. �We tell the kids "don't screw up". And when the poor kid can't be perfect they do worse things to fight the punishment. �This method says, "You're free to screw up, you have to serve your time. �It's not that bad. �It's not that big of a deal.".�
