i did really well using nurtured heart approach about a year ago with my daughter. I think it is hard to do it "all"... but for us we saw dramatic improvements doing things we knew we could do consistently, then building from there. For example, we now always use the time-out method described in the book.. after years of huge fights just trying to get her to GO to time-out.. i can now just turn my head away from her and she KNOWS she is in time-out and must make a sincere effort in order to get out of it..It is so powerful.
But i also wouldn't say that ignoring negative behaviors just make them stop... that almost sounds like you should act like you don't care and they will stop. This reminds me of my own family where my parents just "gave up" and things defintiely did not get better, but worse.. So that is not the answer.
I think a better way to desribe the approach is to neutralize things to the point where your child does not see that he/she is "getting to you". But definitely there must be consequences - we use the time out i described earlier.. Then replace the void you've created (since the old behavior fulfilled a need in your child) with lots of interest and attention at other times.
For us it really wasn't hard.. we had one bad day when we first started doing it because she was so shocked that we'd changed the game. I now know that it was a good sign- called an "extinction burst" where she was basically testing whether she could be so bad that the old reaction from us would come back.. but since we were very strong it went away quickly.. and the next day the improvements began.
irene
