Finding that line with my daughter has been difficult - she reacts badly to being pushed at all, but doesn't really take advantage of her natural gifts.
My hunch is that you haven't done anything wrong with your DD, but that
1) Even MG kids may be seriously underchallenged in the regular classroom.
2) shy might be way more gifted that you or the schools think and is underachieving because she hasn't been offered as much academic challenge as she needs.
2) NT girls are famous for 'blending in' and over many years of not being pushed, has a lot of built up 'feelings to face' whenever she gets pushed at all. So the bad reaction might be a healthy venting of bottled up feelings - not fun, but perhaps necessary.
My impression is that some kids have natural drive, and don't need to be pushed. Other kids need to be in classrooms where they are given the old 'balanced push' - I picture it as the right hand there to support the sternum, and the left hand pushing firmly on the middle of the back. I usually see this as an 'Introvert' vs. 'Extrovert' thing.
We parents are quite reasonable in expecting the school to
1) assess what our children's 'readiness level' is
2) give them an education that fits what they need
unfortunately, the parents who end up here don't tend to have that experience, and we have to take on the triple role of parent, afterschool enrichment provider and advocate in the school.
Totally unfair, and a big waste for all the kids who need exactly what our kids need but don't have a parent able or willing to do what we do.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
