All this stuff you are saying above, it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't understand how you think that your child is so fragile that she has to be treated 'just so.' I think you are trying to 'cut hairs' here in a way that no one could be expected to follow. It is totally unfair to you and your family that your child was even placed in this classroom to start with. And it is unfair that no one at the school can see who she is and what she needs. And it is unfair that this falls in your lap to fix or let remain unfixed. Totally unfair. But saying that it's unfair isn't going to change anything - problem solving will, so vent here all you want, but then I recommend for you to find a way to be at peace with the unfairness of the situation so you can problem solve.
I think you have confused Kerry and I...
As for the part that doesn't make sense to you... Suppose you had an art class and everyone was supposed to make a painting of the same still life. One child is extremely skilled at art. The teacher chastises her for not adding other elements into the still life because being better at it she could have so the teacher makes her redo it according to different standards, but the whole class was expected to do that still life and no one else was chastised for not adding anything and no one else was made to redo it as she had been.
This situation teaches very unacceptable lessons to ALL the students in the class. (Besides being unfair...) This student should be removed from this situation because the teacher will probably not change her opinion of the child easily and could easily cause quite a bit of damage to the child in the process (self esteem issues, perfectionism issues, making her feel different, separating her from the class in a non-positive way, etc...)
In comparison if the child had been asked to do a different more complicated still life from the start or if other children had been asked to redo their work then it would have been a more equitable situation. I would take issue with it if the work had been differentiated from the start but the teacher had made the child redo it because it wasn't perfect, but did not expect the rest of the class to achieve perfection as well.
It's not an issue of the child in question being "fragile" as you put it, but an issue of unacceptable teaching methods and a teacher letting her predjudices interfere with her job.
