Which is why I followed that with "If she is expected to do different work then that work should be held to the same standards as the other children's work, but if they are not expected to redo messy work or redo wrong answers then she should not be expected to redo messy work or redo correct(!!!) answers."
I agree in differentiation, but I also believe in fairness. It is one thing to do work at a different level, quite another to be held to a different standard on that work. If no one else has to redo messy work, a gifty shouldn't either. If no one else has to redo their correct answers, a gifty shouldn't either. It is one thing to get appropriate work. It is a totally different issue if the child is being held to an unreasonable standard compared to the other children.
All this stuff you are saying above, it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't understand how you think that your child is so fragile that she has to be treated 'just so.' I think you are trying to 'cut hairs' here in a way that no one could be expected to follow. It
is totally unfair to you and your family that your child was even placed in this classroom to start with. And it
is unfair that no one at the school can see who she is and what she needs. And it
is unfair that this falls in your lap to fix or let remain unfixed. Totally unfair. But saying that it's unfair isn't going to change anything - problem solving will, so vent here all you want, but then I recommend for you to find a way to be at peace with the unfairness of the situation so you can problem solve.
When this happens the child becomes separated from the group in a very non-positive manner. The child's gifts become curses and they are trained to be perfectionists.
Personally, I think that it's inherently rude to try and change the way a teacher teachers. ( And I've gotten away with it many times - but it is still an inherently rude thing to do. I've been desperate!) I believe that lots of bad things like perfectionism and social isolation come from being in the wrong classroom. In my experience, when the gap between what the teacher does and what the child needs is so big, the solution is to move the child to a room where the gap won't be so big. It isn't your fault that there are no good alternatives. It just the reality of this current moment.
P.S. I didn't even comment about the bathroom thing because it was just so over the top imo. I see the point, but NO child should have to go through that.
I totally disagree. I think that every child goes through stuff like this. Kerry, your daughter is strong enough, and she may need to learn some coping skills here. I think that this is a great opportunity to connect with the teacher and to help your daughter connect with her own power. This is a normal and reasonable topic that is your ticket into the Teacher's attention, and could be the start of some real positive change.
Kerry, I can promise that we Gifties have an almost unending supply of grudges, both because of the culture we live in that does real harm and really is unfair, and because we are Gifted with the ability to see how good things could be if they were jussssst a little bit different. Or a lot! And we have the Intensity to get worked up about it, and the vivid memory to keep it fresh. This is what I understand 'Outer Directed Perfectionism (ODP)to be. I think ODP is a gift to the world, but it has to be used with great caution and wisdom and finesse. And that takes practice and mistakes - which are normal, no matter what our IDP (inner directed perfectionism) says!
If you hate what I am saying, that's fine with me, but do find someone that you know and trust and get some feedback on this issue, ok? I'm getting way too strong a vibe that you are facing a situation that is throwing you into strong feelings of being unsafe and unsupported and in danger, and that isn't the best frame of mind for problem solving.
Love and more love,
Grinity
