Thanks everyone. I will also check out Transforming the Difficult Child. This week, we've spent a lot of time talking about alternatives to emotional meltdowns. His knee-jerk reaction is still the tantrum, but he has been stopping himself VERY quickly and choosing one of the other alternatives:
1.Taking a deep breath and pretending to blow a bubble very slowly.
2.Asking for a hug.
3.Taking a break for a full minute and then going back to the task at hand.
4.Simply asking for help. I require him to be very specific about what kind of help he needs.
I told him we can add to the list as he finds more appropriate outlets that work for him.
Grinity, there was another time you pegged me when you said, "Is it just the noise that bothers you, Mom? Exactly what about the meltdown bothers you so much?" I've thought about that, and I really feel like some of this is me. The tantrums are a big deal to me because I don't know how to handle them. I'm supposed to be able to solve all problems, right? (I don't know where ds gets his perfecionism from?! haha) Also, the more I read about ADHD, the more convinced I am that I have it. I am impulsive, have difficulty sticking with things that don't interest me, jump from one thing to the next (i.e., discipline strategies), am disorganized, hate following a prescribed schedule, and forget things A LOT, etc. I'm sure there are more symptoms. Ds needs consistency, order, and routine, so I have to work really hard on that for his sake and mine.
crazydaisy-downtime is our enemy here. If ds's mind is not engaged, that's when I see the most meltdowns. Also, if he's hungry, his mind is not focused and he loses it completely. The problem is he doesn't ask for food, so I have to be really good about feeding him on a schedule (lots of little snacks), and like I said I'm just great at schedules!
By the way, you may already know this, but I found it very helpful...last school year we were seeing the meltdowns at school too. The school counselor, who happens to be a licensed mental health counselor, said that any behavior mod strategy you try should be done for a minimum of 21 consecutive days to become habit. She said if you skip days, you'll just have to do it longer before it becomes ingrained. That's what we did with the 5 minute time-outs. It completely eliminated the meltdowns (for a time). We stopped doing it b/c we didn't need to anymore. Now theeeey'reeee baaaaackkkk! We've started it again, so we'll see if it works the same way this time
What I get from Parenting from Love and Logic is allowing natural consequences to teach a lesson rather than a gentle lecture. I see the five minute break as a natural consequence in that people don't want to be around you when you're yelling and crying. I present it this way rather than as a punishment. Ds will even say, "is this a punishment?!" Sometimes I'll say, "no, you just need a break, and so do I." Usually, I just ignore and hold up 5 fingers.
I struggle with trying to always create the perfect atmosphere in my home. My dad says I'm just as hard on myself as ds is on himself. We probably all need to relax a little. Wish I knew how! Dear God, I'm turning into my mother, the Queen of Worry! I know she meant well, but her parenting created the perfectionism that I struggle with today. (Not that I blame her or anything! hehe) I don't want to do the same with ds.
Thanks again guys. I have learned as much about myself in the past few months as I have about my son!
