But when I tell people "he can, he just doesn't want to," I usually get the pushy mom look and people won't push him so he gets rewarded often. This happens everywhere, preschool, sports classes, home, etc.,. When you've seen a kid do something multiple times and suddenly he doesn't know how...you catch on.
When my DS was in kindergarten we saw that a lot too. He wasn't willing to fail, so his response to anything he didn't "know" is: "I can't. I don't know how!". Happily he has (mostly) outgrown this--so there's hope
As to other peoples' reactions--how ridiculous and how sadly typical. Do we not insist that other kids try? Do we accept responses of "it's too hard" and "I can't" from students who are working at grade level? It's that whole idea that instruction for students who have met (or exceeded) standards is somehow "extra" and "unnecessary" instruction that should only be delivered if the child jumps up and down and happily begs for it. ALL children deserve instruction. ALL children need to be stretched to the edge of (and often slightly beyond) their comfort zone in order to learn.
Maybe we should put it on a t-shirt....
