I am not from the States.

Here in the East, intelligence is judged a lot by a person's academic achievement. I am inconsistent in my results in school, swaying from the lowest to the highest grade. On the whole, I am just an average kid. I am certain this is why my parents favored my sister and brother as opposed to my other sister and I. Once a dummy, forever a dummy. Maybe because being stupid is a label I have carried with me for more than half of my life, I am comfortable with it.

I used to want to be an astronaut but was told by my mother, teacher and classmate that you have to be the best of the best in order to be selected. So I gave that up. I wanted to be a psychologist. I was so sure about it. However, just a couple of months ago, my feelings just changed. I am not sure what my dreams are. Ha, probably blast myself off to outer space where I will live till I die naturally, not having to step foot on earth again.

Anyway, I didn't used to read much until this year when I withdrew from school temporarily. I read books on existentialism and hatred towards society. Existentialism is one of the reasons why I no longer have the feelings to be a psychologist. Why, simply because as a psychologist, you work in alliance with your clients to resolve issues, so that they would lead a happy life. But so what about living a happy life? It is not an extrinsic meaning in life. The thing is that in order for people who aren't sensitive enough to turn inwards and sense their existential predicament, they would be tuned into existentialism only when they are experiencing relational or health or financial problems. But it is important to be aware of existentialism because it may lead you to the Absolute Truth, whatever it may be, God, perhaps. I used to be a Christian but now I am more of an Agnostic. I'm still searching.

I diagnosed myself with OCD but it was done without a doubt. Been to three psychiatrists and finally, I am able to more or lease settle down with a psychologist. She's alright.

What feeds my soul. Being alone, talking with my imaginary friends and reading, I guess. Hey, I'm not sure I have a soul, you know. There could be some life force so microscopic it is yet to be discovered by scientists. I mean, they took hundreds of years to study waves.

Thank you for posting to me.

Last edited by space; 10/02/09 03:54 PM.