Hi, thanks for all the opinions, I guess the main thing I'd be worried about is not 'engaging' if he really needs me to engage.
The social workers are all about letting the child feel his emotions, and accept them. 'Not engaging' seems to directly contradict that, maybe I am misunderstanding, though.
I do want ds to be able to say, 'today sucked', or 'I'm really really mad, because I'm embarrased/things are unfair, etc.', or whatever he needs to.
I do not want a child who is turning himself and the family inside out, 'feeling' sad because it gets him what he wants.
So, while we're working on finding that line, we've decided to try for a lot more exercise. We've just been taking it way too easy this summer (here and there, anyway), me included. He's back in camp this week for the next couple of weeks, dh and he had a big hike Sat., and I got everyone out on bikes Sun., so I'm trying to just keep this ball rolling. I could be wrong about how much this helps, but so far, a much more even keel around here.
It always seems a balancing act when you're raising children, any children!
Exercise is good for depressed people, it's good for happy people; so I'm not surprised it's helping.
If he says things like 'worse day ever' to get a response from you, try to understand what he wants and help him express it a bit more directly. If he just needs to reconnect with you physically after a tiring/exciting day at school he may be getting comfort & sympathy by playing the 'woe is me' card. Get him to understand what he wants and ask for it more directly. There's nothing wrong with needing, & asking for, a hug & kisses, a few minutes of undivided attention, milk & cookies to recharge. Btw, I'm still working on GS10 to do this better!
irene's got some good advice, too.
