hi chris
i understand your frustration and worry. My DS7 (the one who i talked about in a previous post) got to the point of saying he "wanted to die". that is when i called the school pyschologist and she told me about the dangers of over-engagement. Her opinion about my son was based on her observations of him in school vs. what i said about his behavior at home. She said that kids who are truly depressed will show signs across all settings. This is pretty much a common thread with any psychiatric diagnosis. At school he seemed to be having a ball, but when he got home it would be "The worst day of my life", etc.. So look for those signs.
Also, when it comes to not over-engaging, you don't ignore the child. Just change up the patterns. He is always welcome to bring up a topic. And if it seems true and valid, of course you need to explore it, but beware of "habitual" negative conversations such that happen at same time every day and seem to always go the same way, or get more and more provocative. If he is predicting your behavior, he is more likely to be manipulating you.
irene
