I think the hardest part is that DS6 is the sunshine of my life and I want SOOOO badly to take his frustration, anger....away from him
Belle - first of all, welcome! Your son sounds delightful, and I envy his ability to come up with a creative plan for overcoming his challenge areas and persuing it. That is a very mature quality which will keep him flourishing.
So - on to the fireworks:
You have to reach with in and decide what is your vision for parenting. Camp A believes that they feel what they feel, and one can't take it away, one can only nurture them while they cry, storm, and sweat their way through it. In this view, allowing him to express his emotions shows that you are a safe place, and that he is still hopefull enough to expect to burn through every bit of hopelessness he has. Luckily kids have rather less hopelessness than adults do, so they can heal after a few hours of kicking and screaming and be over it in a refreshed, confident state or a sound sleep. You the parent get to work on whatever emotions get kicked up while the child is releasing their Frustration, by journaling, or talking to a sympathetic friend. 'What does this remind you of?'
For more on Camp A see - Re-evaluation Counseling - Home PageRe-evaluation Counseling-a process whereby people of all ages and backgrounds can exchange effective help to free themselves from the effects of past distress experiences.
www.rc.orgThen there is Camp B - which says, 'Sure, everyone has feelings, and Gifted Kids have more intense feelings than anyone, but one needs to develop the strength to stop showing them, and put one's mind back in the present moment, which of course is a wonderful moment.' When parents help children develop the strength to turn away from the feelings of dissapontment and go on to the next moment, then the energy behind the feelings goes into the pride in one's strength. The child knows that they wish they had gotten it right the first time, and may feel what they feel on the inside, but they are mostly proud of themselves for their self-mastery. Camp B is closer to mainstream parenting in this way, but the methods to encourage it I think are best expressed here:http://www.energyparenting.com/products/item26.cfm
((If you buy the book, or sign up for the website, please put: Grinity as who refered you.))
Interestingly, I think that in 10 years, Camp A and B will be discovered to be two sides of the same coin. But for now you have recognized that your child doesn't really have a problem he makes mistakes and gets upset - no harm done. Your problem is to live throught the experience, an take action - IF - you believe action is needed. You are the expert on your soul and your child and your family. Pick a camp and enjoy the ride!
Love and More Love,
Grinity
