Hi folks, I know I've posted a few times about ds9 having been diagnosed with depression, but I am having questions about approach, etc. Not sure if there are many people here with experience on that, especially with 7-10 year old kids, but here goes. I wonder how much of this is normal gifted 9 year old drama.
1. the reactions ds has always had to disappointments vary from getting ok with something quickly to really off the charts crushed. This has been going on since forever.
Last nights example: I asked him to wrap up tv, brush teeth and go to bed and I'd see him in about 20 minutes to tuck in/read a bit if he wanted out of his book he's reading. 10 minutes into my reading to his sis, he isn't doing any one of those things, so I came out, explained again, he started to argue, I told him it was time and turned off the tv. He stormed off, and grumped around for a few minutes. This went on for a while so I tried to do as the social worker had suggested, get him to write down his feeling(s), write about mine at that moment. Of course all he could write was that he hated me a million times. That's a good feeling. Anyhow, part of the feelings were admittedly coming from having his tv show cut short. He also pointed to a more actually unfair thing I'd done earlier, which I admitted was a mistake on my part. I thought we were getting somewhere, but he just remained grumpy.
Finally I started by giving hugs, chatting some more, and getting his book. When I asked if he wanted me to read to him, he completely relaxed and I joked 'Is that all you really wanted?' He laughed pretty good but tried to hide his face in this pile of pillows, but basically 'came around'.
So - could this be considered being manipulated to give up reading to dd3 and just start whatever he wants at the moment/never interrupt him?
The Social Worker I mentioned is working with him on social skills training, which I think is a great class and has been helpful for all of us.
2. It was suggested to us that the main reason for his depression was social isolation/negative feelings associated with failing to make as many friends/as good friends as he'd like.
Since trying the social skills training/getting him involved with cub scouts, getting more pro-active about helping him build friendships, camps, etc. this summer, there has certainly been improvement in the friends department, and I don't think he feels so out of place. He seemed really in-place during his cub scout camp/happy, able to handle disappointments pretty well.
Over this last weekend and like last night, it seems like that ability to roll with things has been lost a bit, or goes back and forth.
We are supposed to have a brief recap with the SW after the class ends in a couple of weeks, at that time they'll give feedback and suggest a course of action. I am trying to order my thoughts on whether the progress seen so far is good enough to warrant stopping, or so good we should continue, or, in the department of 'resiliency', whether we need to address things in a different manner altogether.
One thing that concerns me about continuing is the amount of time/repetition that might be involved - it's 30+ weeks 1x/week 'class', and I think ds would go from seeing it as a positive experience to a drudgery.
Thoughts/suggestions, especially on the resiliency question would be greatly appreciated! thanks
