Hi,
It sounds like you have a lot to think about.....I wanted to recommend an excellent resource.

http://www.paulakluth.com/

There is a lot of wonderful information on the website itself, but I also just finished two of the books and I HIGHLY recommend them (A Land We Can Share and Just Give Him The Whale). They are extremely reader friendly and very effectively reframe the sometimes punitive/deficit focused thinking around instructing/responding to children who have autism. The viewpoint and the suggestions are both positive and realistic. Also, the suggestions are written in ways that would be very easy to share with a school or a teacher.