Buying this idea really requires a fundamental reorganisation of how to relate to children! I think it's a complicated area, and the research is certainly confusing at times and more needs to be done.
I wonder how you see this happening in an ideal world. Personally, I "praise" my DD3 in the same way I "praise" adults. That is, I don't really "praise" at all, but I do express my feelings honestly and sometimes in a complimentary way. So for me I think changing how I talk to DD would necessitate changing how I talk to
anyone. It's a pretty daunting prospect.
Let me say that it's hard to articulate how I feel about this, first! Next, you may be different of course, bu I noticed with my DS that although I wasn't being effusive or consciously praising him, I was saying things that were my evaluation of things he'd done all the time, in a way I'd never to do an adult colleague (other, possibly, than one who was directly reporting to me - that's another issue). "Mmm, huh", "That's interesting", "Well done", "No, stop!", "That was helpful", "I like that", etc. etc. It's partly about power, and partly inevitable - if I say "that's interesting" to an adult colleague, it's a statement about me and my interests; DS's focus is on me to such an extent that if I say "that's interesting" to him, it's felt as my positive evaluation of what he just said.
What I'm trying to do now is to let his own evaluations be more important. I try to participate in his activities by showing interest, e.g. asking questions, contributing thoughts, rather than by evaluating them. When I make positive comments, I try to make sure that they're genuinely sharing with him my reactions to things, and that I give him enough information to make what I'm saying contentful ("That reminds me of... how interesting" rather than just "how interesting").
However, I'm not there yet, and I'm not even sure I know exactly where I want to be...
